Tired
by Severus-who-Severus-Snape
Summary: When Harry is guilt tripped by Dumbledore to be the new DADA teacher after he finishes school. He finds him self by the edge of the lake having an emotional break down. Snape finds him and it is the last person harry wants knowing just how truly screwed up he is. Severus and Harry will discover just how much a like they are. I own none of these characters. They belong to JK Rowling
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Harry sat with his knees tucked up under his chin and peered out at the lake. The castle, reflecting in the glass like water, was swaying with the wind and Harry found it soothing. The windows that were lite in the castle bounced and rippled off the lake as if dancing to an ancient Celtic song that only the wind and water knew. He shifted his weight to his left butt cheek as his right had started to become numb. Harry laid his cheek on his knees and picked at the grass and letting the now uprooted blades be grabbed by the wind and blown away. Harry wished it could be that easy for him, to just uproot himself and let the wind take him away. How nice it must feel to be free.

The wind picked up and tossed the already winded Raven hair into Harry's eyes, he made no effort to brush it away. A tear trickled from the corner of his emerald green eyes. His eyes once held so much light and warmth, now they just were cold and dim. As if hope trickled out more and more with every tear that fell. He watched as the tear rolled down his nose and land in the dirt clearing he had created from pulling up the grass. He slowly laid on his stomach turning his head to the right and tucking his left arm under his head. He stuck his right index finger into the cold wet soil and began to make a very irregular circle. He didn't really know what he was drawing till it was already taking shape. He dug out 18 lines all vertically on top of the wimpy circle and moved his hand to just under the circle where he spelled out H-A-P-P-Y B-I-R-T-H-D-A-Y. He was suddenly overcome with a memory of him lying on the dirt floor of a cold, miserable shack, drawing the same circle the same words the same lines but then it had only been 11 lines, Not 18. He remembered _looking_ at Dudley's watch as the beeping he heard from the chubby wrist of his cousin told him it truly was July 31st. Harry stared at the same drawing in front of him 7 years later to the day. Although there were merely 6 hours left of his birthday he couldn't help feel the same way he had all those years ago. He brought his head up to hover over the crude drawing of the cake.

"Make a wish Harry." He sucked in a lung full of air and blew at the soil candles and it was the same wish as it had been 7 years ago, for someone to come and take him away.

He stared at the dirty cake, as if waiting for someone or something at this point to emerge from the soil and rescue him from this damn world. He had stayed at Hogwarts during the summer break at the request of the headmaster. Not really a request but more a guilt trip. Dumbledore wanted Harry to be the new Defense against the Dark Arts professor. As Harry was only 17 at the time of their conversation he would be able to teach that upcoming year after his 18th birthday. How fitting. The boy who killed Voldemort was to teach Defense against the Dark Arts. This was expected of him, no one questioned it.

Dumbledore seemed to have written how Harry's life was to play out for him long ago. Harry had no say in his own happiness. Every time he tried to tell Dumbledore that he wasn't interested in the DADA position, it was the same answer that sent Harry into a spiraling guilt trip.

"Harry, after all these years that I and several others have kept you alive, I would think that you owe us at least this." Dumbledore always seemed to make his eyes water a bit when he said this.

That statement never really bothered him; it was true he was alive because of several others that kept an eye on him. Dumbledore was not one of those people. The old man had known about the abuse in the Dursley's home. He knew that Harry had been starved, beaten, isolated, humiliated and had any once of self-worth destroyed these past 17 years in the Dursley's home but, had done nothing. It was because of Dumbledore that his parents were dead because he, Dumbledore, wanted Harry to be the savior of the wizarding world and to "teach" him how to be that savior.

The statement that finally landed Harry as the newest Professor of the Hogwarts staff was the one that hurt Harry the most.

"Sir, please, I'm not interested in the position. I've been surrounded by dark arts and trying to defend myself my whole life. I want to be as far away from it as possible. I want to be a dragon trainer." Harry was staring at his scarred hands as he spoke these words.

"Harry, people have died for you; their lives mean nothing to you? The least you could do to honor them would be to teach the next Hogwarts generation how to fight and how to win. You defeated Voldemort, conquered the dark lord. Honor those that have died in your name Harry and teach the students."

Harry watched another tear roll down his nose and into the dirt. He was a selfish bastard. People had died for him and he wanted to forget all that; run away and pretend he wasn't Harry Potter. Dumbledore was right. He had to honor those that had died protecting him. The little voice in his head that had seemed to have taken up vacancy was speaking once again.

"No one forced them to fight and they knew the dangers. They died because they chose to."

Harry pushed the voice away. Pushed it away to where all the other rational thoughts, voices and ideas were locked away in his mind. He was feeling more alone than ever.

But that's all Harry felt anymore was alone. Even in a crowded room surrounded by his friends he felt so alone. Another tear fell into the soil. How could he feel so alone in this world? This is the world where he was the boy who lived, the chosen one, the savior of the wizarding world. Everyone wanted to be his friend, wanted to say they knew the boy who defeated the dark lord. But no, no one really knew him, not even Ron and Hermione knew him, hell, Harry didn't even know who he was. How could anyone know him if Harry didn't even know himself. All he knew was that he was Dumbledores puppet. He didn't know the free feeling of thinking on his own.

"Potter, why in the name of all the four houses are you lying on the ground?"

The voice was distant to Harry. He heard Snape he just didn't have the strength or energy to pull out the happy-go-lucky-I'm-ok Harry mask. He was tired of playing happy Harry. He was tired of the pressure of this world and the muggle world. He was tired. Harry started to cry harder, he felt his body shaking from trying to control his sobbing.

"Potter, I asked you a question." Snape folded his arms across his chest and tapped his foot waiting for the cheeky reply from the Gryffindor. But it never came. Instead Snape saw the young boy's body jerk, and he heard a small gasp.

Thinking he was asleep Snape became irritated.

"Potter! Wake up or you will spend the rest of your summer break scrubbing toilets!" Snape threatened. A corner of his mouth turned into a slight grin at the thought of the boy scrubbing toilets. He knew he was no longer a student but the threat was still amusing to the old Slytherin.

Still there was no answer. Snapes arms dropped to his side in confusion. It was not like Potter to ignore him. Snape, with every curse known to mankind knelled down on his knees in the dirt to try and wake Potter. Snape leaned closer to Harry's face brushing the black hair that had fallen into his eyes away. The eyes that had held so much light and hope were dull and empty. Snape's heart ached. He knew that look. It was the look of loss, the look of pain, the look of giving up. That same look had been looking back at him in the mirror for 37 years.

"Harry?" Snape nudged him a little, nothing. "Where are you Harry?"

But it had been a question that needed no answer. Snape knew the place that Harry was in. How those eyes led him to the very tunnel of despair and anguish that Snape traveled to almost every night. Snape watched as the dull eyes followed the finger in the dirt. Snape twisted his head to see what the boy was scribbling in the soil. The boy was tracing Happy Birthday in the soil over and over again. A small frown formed on the hardened mans face. He looked back at the castle, knowing that friends had traveled far to see Harry. Even his blasted dogfather and his wolf mate had come to celebrate with him.

Snape shook his head. Not tonight, he would not put Harry through a parade of people demanding him to portray 'Harry Potter' he wanted Harry to not have to worry about letting the mask he wore so well start to slip. He pushed himself up from the ground, when had he laid down? Perhaps it was when he looked into Harry's eyes. He sat next to Harry close enough to let the young lion know someone was there but enough distance to not smother the boy. He did not need smothering right now, he just needed company. Severus knew that sometimes it was better for someone to sit in silence with you then to have them demanding you to come out of your sad, dark world or prying and begging to know what was wrong. Severus put his hand upon the boys head and stroke the Raven hair.

"I know Harry. You're tired" Snape softly said.

And just like that every tear Harry had ever held, fell, free flowing, God ugly sobs escaped his mouth. Tears that had been held for 17 years flooded his eyes and dropped into the soil that was quickly turning to mud. He was beaten, heartbroken and oh so tired.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: this chapter talks about self harm. this is my warning for those who get triggered easily. I welcome feed back, comments, anything really. This is the first time that I have ever posted something. To those that have started following Tired. Thank you. I hope that I do not disappoint you with this chapter.**

** Chapter 2 **

Severus could feel eyes looking at him from the castle, but refused to look up towards the great hall. What, seemed like seconds later Minerva was next to him. Severus felt a rush of relief that it was Minerva and not Albus who came to see what was taking so long. The last thing Harry needed was the puppet master who controlled his life to tell him how rude it was of him to keep his guests waiting.

"Severus?" The worry in Minerva's voice was clear. "Is everything ok?"

The potion master slowly stood taking one last look at Harry before stepping several feet away from him so that he could let Minerva know what was wrong with her Gryffindor. Severus had come to trust Minerva more than he trusted anyone in the wizarding world. She saw Albus for who he was; a manipulative man. Minerva had helped Severus when he was a young Slytherin at Hogwarts. On more than one occasion he found himself purposely getting detention with Minerva so that he could be out of the dungeons and away from the marauders. She eventually caught on to Severus charade and Instead of confronting him, she let it continue.

"Should I go get Poppy? Is Harry Ill?" Minerva's eyes were darting back and forth between Potter and Snape waiting for the man to speak.

"Minerva, this is something even Poppy cannot heal." Snape's throat seemed to close suddenly making it hard for him to get the rest of the sentence out.

Minerva understood immediately what Severus meant by that one simple sentence. It had been the same sentence he used all those years ago to describe his own depression to her.

"He is tired of being a puppet. I can see it in his eyes. He is tired of living his life for others. I am sure Albus has pushed him more than he thinks."

"Is he a danger to himself Severus? What can I do? I do not want him to feel alone in all this." Minerva had walked to where Harry was laying and transfigured a small branch into a pillow and a leaf into a wool blanket.

"Just be there and open when he is ready to talk." Severus had walked back to Harry to help her lift his head so that he was now laying on the pillow, Harry's eyes never closed. "Or be ready to just sit with him in silence. Do not push him to talk; we both know it causes a catastrophe if his anger gets out of hand."

Snape shot a look to the still glowing great hall and could see the faint silhouettes of those still waiting for Harry.

"I did not think it was fair to him." Snape's head nodded towards the castle. "To make him put on a show for his friends, just so he would not ruin their visit with him. Minerva I trust you to keep this between you, me and potter? I fear Albus will push the boy too far."

The older witch was sitting by Harry. She reminded Severus of a grandmother trying to comfort her grandchild but not quite sure what they needed.

"No one will know. All though I do need to think of a reason why Harry will not be making it to his own party?" Minerva crossed her arms in anticipation for Severus answer.

"He's Saint Potter. He is the only one that could not show up to his own party and not get yelled at." Snape smirked at his cheeky comment and turned back to attend to Harry.

It was 2 hours later that Minerva returned to let Severus know that the guests had all left. Snape decided that it was time for Harry to head in side. The sun had faded behind the forbidden Forrest and the half-moon shown a ghostly glow over the Hogwarts grounds.

"Harry? Come, it is late." Snape had once again found himself lying on the ground to peer into the young man's eyes. Harry's eyes were red and swollen from hours of crying, and exhaustion was clearly etched on his face.

Severus stood and looked at the transfigurations professor next to him. They shared the same look of concern. How much longer could the young man take before he completely snapped? They had both watched Albus control Harry. Mold him into his perfect "solider" Harry had never once questioned the man and neither had anyone else for that matter. But Harry was an adult now. He Should be free to make his own choices, but, apparently the headmaster had not received that memo. He still insisted on controlling the boy. Snape rolled Harry to his back. Harry just flopped like a rag doll and stared at the night sky.

"Oh do put up a little bit of a fight Potter." Still there was no answer. Snape reached down and grabbed both Harry's wrist with a firm grip steadying himself to pull Harry to his feet, when Harry hissed and wrenched his wrists back from Snape's grasp.

A large chill ran down Severus spine as he watched the 18 year old tug at the cuffs of his long sleeves to make sure his wrists were covered. A habit Snape had seen time and time again. He had noticed Harry doing this in his 4th year, after his name was drawn from the Goblet of Fire. He had thought it was a nervous habit of some sort. Now he knew better and by the look on Minerva's face she also knew.

"Harry? Have you hurt yourself?" The older woman's concern in her voice was clear to all of them.

Harry shook his head as tears started to fill his emerald eyes.

"Potter? What have you done to yourself?" Snape asked a little too harsh.

"What do you care? You hate me remember? Bet most days you'd wish I just Drop dead. Guess we have something in common professor." Harry laughed at his own dark humor.

"Give me your arms." Snape was direct and stern.

"No." Harry glared at the man

"It was not a question Potter. Your arms, show me now."

Minerva shot Severus a look that let him know that he was out of line and out of control. The boy did that to him; Made him lose control of his emotions, his thoughts, his actions ever since the boy saved his life last year.

"Harry, we care about you. Very Deeply, Severus does. More than you realize. He has been here all night with you my young lion cub, just to make sure you knew you were not alone. We want to help you. But we cannot unless you let us in." Minerva was sitting next to Harry her arm around his shoulder. Harry was crying again.

"Harry I do not hate you. Like Minerva said, I care for you and worry about you. I know you feel like a puppet on strings with Albus. I know you are tired of living up to everyone's expectations. We can help you be you Harry; just let us past those walls." Snape had kneeled down in front of Harry and Minerva. The desperation in his voice was as much as a surprise to him as it was to the others.

The sound of Harry's given name coming from Snape's mouth was enough to let his brain tell his emotions that Snape was trying. The fact that Snape had stayed with him all night was comforting to him. Harry let Snape stretch his left arm out palm up. Snape slowly pushed the long sleeve shirt up to the elbows and he proceeded to do the same with Harry's right.

Minerva let out a gasp that seemed to echo across the lake.

There on the wrists and forearms of an 18 year old young man were dozens of scars. Some of the scars were old and shallow. Some of them were new and deep. There were two fresh cuts one on each wrist where Severus had grabbed, deep and bleeding. Snape touched the tip of his wand to the open cuts and watched as the skin closed tightly around the red, beefy inflamed tissue.

Harry was looking down at the ground, at trees, at the castle; anywhere put Snape's and McGonagall's eyes. He didn't want to see it. The disappointment, the pity he couldn't handle that. Tears started to fill his eyes once more. Snape slowly rolled the young man's sleeves back down to their original estate

"Harry, How long has this been going on?" Minerva had a tight hold on her young Gryffindor. He maybe graduated but he was still hers to look after.

"Since 4th year" Harry was now sobbing. He had never told anyone. Never let anyone know just how truly fucked up he was.

Minerva hugged the boy as guilt filled her. All this time and she never knew. He was her responsibility and she failed him.

"Why Harry? I know you had a lot on your plate and I know the headmaster can be pushy. Put you have so much good in your life" Snape was holding his hand gently letting his thumb rub back and forth across it.

"It, it's the only thing I have control over."

The realization of how heavy a burden Harry was truly carrying hit the two professors like a load of bricks. Harry had always been a savior symbol to the wizarding world. No one ever looked at him as a child when he was younger because so much was expected of him. But now, he was expected to become an auror or the DADA professor because that is who he was thought to be.

"I can't take being me anymore. I can't keep doing what everyone wants me to do, be everything everyone wants me to be. I don't want to be the boy who defeated Voldemort before he could talk. The boy who had escaped death twice, I don't want to be a famous auror. I don't want to be the DADA teacher. I don't want to be a walking replica of my father. I don't want to be me. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to be controlled. So I cut. I can control how deep, how much, how big, how small. I don't know how to deal with hurt. I can't see it. Cutting makes me feel better." Harry had his head buried in Minerva's shoulder; He screamed every last word. The anger and hurt cut through Severus. He wanted to grab the wounded lion and hold him let him know he could do and be whatever he wanted. If he wanted to be a bloody tea cozy he would let him be. He wanted to make the hurt go away. Instead he simply squeezed Harry's hand.

"Why are you here then Harry? Why are you still trying to please everyone?" Snape questioned.

"Because, the headmaster said I owed him. I owed him for keeping me alive all these years. He said I also needed to teach the next Hogwarts generation how to fight and defend themselves. That way I would be honoring all those who I let die in my name. He's right. I need to honor them." Harry had stopped crying and was looking at Severus with such hurt and anguish.

"WHAT!" Minerva and Severus had practically screamed together. Severus had leapt to his feet. Minerva's green eyes had flashed with so much anger that Severus was even taken back.

"Now you see here!" Minerva had forced Harry's chin up so that he was looking in her eyes. "Don't you dare listen to that old coot; you are not responsible for anyone's death Harry James Potter. They knew the dangers. They chose their destiny. You are NOT responsible." Minerva was searching her young Gryffindor's eyes in hopes that this would somehow make its way to his brainwashed head.

Harry nodded. He knew that. He had always known that. But he still felt as though he had caused so much hurt and chaos in this world.

"You did not cause hurt and chaos Harry. That was Voldemort, Not you. You did not choose to be put in this position, you were forced." Harry glared at the man for reading his thoughts.

"As deputy headmistress I am removing you from your teaching duties Harry. If you do not want to be here, we will not let anyone force you or guilt you into this." Minerva had stood at that moment and looked at Snape with a gleam in her eye. Severus knew exactly what she was thinking.

"Come Harry we will walk you back to your rooms. Where are you staying?" Snape had lent a hand down so that Harry could grasp it and pull himself up. "We are not finished with our conversation. The cutting will need to stop. I ask that if you feel the urge to hurt yourself come to us before you do. Let us help you, So that we can teach you how to deal with this."

"I've been staying in the headmasters study" Harry said shyly.

Severus looked at Minerva who was shaking her head. The old man had really pushed to hard; he wouldn't even let the boy wonder out of his sight. Fear of outside influence no doubt.

"You will stay with me for now Harry. He has done enough damage. Come along. We will take the secret passage by the flying pitch. It leads to the portrait just across from my chambers." Snape turned and his black robes swished in the night. Minerva put her arm around Harry and together they followed the dark figure of Severus Snape.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: This chapter is long. I apologize I could not get my mind to stop writing. There is very detailed memories of the abuse Harry suffers by Vernon Dursely in this chapter. with do not read if this is a trigger or an issue for you. as always feed back is ALWAYS welcomed positive and negative.**

**Chapter 3**

Minerva held her Godson tight against her side as they walked along the dungeon corridor towards Severus private room.

Albus had made her Harry's second guardian after the incident at the Ministry during Harry's 5th year. Yes, Sirius was still the boys leading guardian but, while Harry had been underage, anything that had to do with Harry had to be discussed between her and Sirius. Albus had insisted that Minerva tell him everything that had been discussed about Harry when her and Black had their weekly meetings. She never would tell Albus of important things, only telling him of how they would help Harry to strive in his studies.

She placed a soft kiss on the young man's check as they reached the portrait to Severus' room. The boy was just slightly taller than her, he put his head on her shoulder and she placed her right hand on his ear and squeezed him softly. She felt so guilty that she and Black had not realized how much their Godson was struggling.

Harry was grateful for the love his Godmother had for him. He needed her gentleness now more than ever. He loved Sirius, but he wasn't the best with Harry when it came to his emotions. Sirius always seemed to feel awkward and out of place when Harry would bring up how he felt. The worst was when Sirius would catch him crying. His godfather would back out of the room quietly as if trying not to let Harry know that he had seen him crying. Harry often wondered if Sirius thought that leaving him be was better than letting Harry know that he had seen his godson at his weakest. Harry put his hand on his Godmother's hand; she stroked his hair while they waited for Severus to tell the portrait the password.

As the man and his picture frame slid to the right revealing the entrance, Harry saw that the Potion Master's guard for his room was Salazar Slytherin. Salazar's portrait was elegant. He wore deep green robes with a bright yellow undershirt slightly poking out from the cuffs of his sleeves. He had long gray hair that was held back by a black ribbon. His beard was neat and trimmed short with small streaks of brown through the facial hair. His eyes reminded Harry of his friends. They were grey and soft like Draco's but Salazar's had specks of brown. A large snake was resting over the Slytherin founder's shoulder it was a bright teal green with yellow eyes that were locked on to Harry, it hissed at Salazar.

"He'sss bringing two Gryffindor'sss into hisss room; Isss he mad sssalazar?" The large snake never broke his eye contact with Harry.

Salazar gave a great huff when he looked at Harry. "You can ssssmell the Gryffindor on him can you Apophisss; Ssseverus hasss alwaysss been a bit mad, hasss he not?" He was scratching Apophis under his chin, while looking at Harry.

The insult Salazar had thrown to the man Harry had come to fall for after the war lite a fire in his chest. Harry knew there was way for him to ever be with Severus, the man may have admitted just moments ago to not hating him but, Harry did not see the man falling for him anytime soon. Still the insult of Severus being insane dug at Harry.

"He'sss no madder than you were; hold your tongue if you have nothing good to sssay!" Harry didn't realize he had spoken out loud till Minerva and Severus were staring at him.

"A lion who ssspeaks parssseltongue; Well thisss world hasss really gone made hassssn't it? Who might you be young man and why were you not sorted into my house?" Salazar was staring at Harry in disbelief as if this was s practical joke. Surly someone who spoke parseltongue would be a cunning Slytherin.

"I asssked the sssorting hat to not placcce me in Ssslytherin. My name is Harry. Harry Potter, sssir. Your sssnake issss very beautiful I must sssay." Harry was fully aware of the stares from his Godmother and Severus. But he somehow felt better knowing that the closed minded Slytherin, could understood like no one else could.

"Ssso, you mussst be the Harry that my young ssserpent Ssseverus cursssesss daily? Glad to sssee that you are as attractive as he hasss described. I mussst hear at leassst a dozzzen timesss a day about 'ssstupid Potter and hisss ssstupid perfect hair and hisss ssstupid perfect sssmile and hiss ssstupid beautiful eyesss.' Thank you for the compliment towardsss Apophisss but do not ssstrock hisss ego Harry, he issss concccceited enough as it isss." Salazar was looking at his snake with a joking look in his eyes. "Go young ssserpent. Don't keep them waiting any more than you have." Salazar bowed to Severus, Minerva and Harry.

Harry was confused by what Salazar had said. Severus, found him attractive? Maybe Salazar was mad after all.

"What was that about?" Severus asked as he hung his cloak on the hook near the entrance.

"He insulted you and it made me mad. I didn't realize I had spoken till I saw you looking at me." Harry was feeling alone again. Parseltounge was one more thing to add to his list of freakish qualities.

"Old fool. He insults me most days. He is quite funny at times though. He once dressed up for Halloween as Helga Huffelpuff for the portraits Halloween party. I must say I was stuck outside my room for a good ten minutes because I couldn't stop laughing long enough to say the password when I saw him. Come Harry." Severus was pointing to a seat near Minerva, and then he took his own in an armchair near the fire.

Harry sat by his Godmother, refusing to look any of them in the face. He didn't want to talk about his dark side, his fucked up side. He tugged at his cuffs on his sleeves, pulling them as far down as the material would allow. A soft hand quickly took his and held it gently. Harry felt a flood of anger rush through him as his dark side took control of his brain. Harry ripped his hand from his Godmother's and stood; he began walking towards the exit.

"Why do you care now?" Harry's back was to them he hated looking people in the eye. "Is it to ease your own guilt? Do you pity me? Why after all these years, of letting me be abused, bullied, humiliated, left alone, alone to deal with everything on my own. Why do you suddenly care what happens to me?" He was shaking violently.

' _Ca_ _use you aren't playing Harry Potter. That's why they suddenly care what happens to you; As long as you pretend to be the good little savior of the world that is all they care about. You aren't worth the scum off their shoes.'_ The voice in his head was laughing at how foolish the young man was being. , actually thinking that he was worth someone's time. He actually had thought they cared.

"Abused? What do you mean by abused Harry?" Minerva had wrapped her arms around her Godson and was holding on to him. She was holding on to him with every ounce of love, concern and care that she had for the man she considered her grandson.

"Don't act like you didn't know. Dumbledore told me you all agreed for me to stay there. Because, because of the blood wards. You let me stay there even though my life was at risk." Harry was fighting against the woman he called grandma in his thoughts.

Harry was wrenched from her grasp by a strong hand. Another hand found its way under Harry's chin he was forced to look into the dark eyes of the man who had mad his life a living hell for 7 years. The eyes staring back at him were new to Harry. They were warm, filled with concern, and was that a flint of lust?

 _'_ _No Harry. Who could ever love you? Stupid Gryffindor'_

The voice was back in Harry's head, joy. Harry knew what was about to happen, Snape was going to try to look into his mind. Harry tried to block him but Snape's energy was just too much.

The memories flashed in front of Severus at a speed much slower than he expected. The first memory he came upon was Harry as a small child, he couldn't be more than 2. He was crying by himself in a dark, cold, small room. There was a strong smell of ammonia that could be identified as human urine; old pungent human urine.

There was a loud thump and light suddenly flooded the small room. Severus got his first look at the toddler in the light. He was wearing a pillow case as a shirt, it was filthy and thin. There were more holes than there was material. Under the makeshift clothing, if you could call it that was a brown bag made out to be a diaper that was visibly soiled.

"You keep crying and I'll give you something to cry about you freak!"

Severus watched as a beefy large man struck the small child so hard that wind was knocked out of Harry.

"You keep pissing your pants, you'll stay in that cupboard for the rest of your pathetic life" the large man had thrown Harry back into the cupboard and shut the door.

Another memory raced to the front for Severus to view. Harry was laying on the ground his eye swollen and his lip bloody. The large man was striking him repeatedly. Harry had to be at least 10 maybe even 11.

"You bring your freakish people around my son ever again and I'll kill you. Do you hear me boy? You think you're special just because you are a freak? You will never be worth anything to anyone. You keep your freakish ways to yourself and away from my son do you understand?" The man had Harry by the scruff of the neck and was breathing heavily.

"Yes uncle Vernon." The calmness in young Harry's voice was heart aching to Severus as if the child thought that abuse was normal.

A tall slender woman came to help Harry to sit up after his uncle had dropped him to the floor and had walked away.

"Are you alright Harry?" She was pressing a wet rag to his swollen bloody lip. "I am so sorry Harry this is not fair to you. I tried to tell you about Hogwarts and your parents when you were younger but he refused for me to say a word to you." She was stroking his hair with one hand and wiping her tears away with the other.

"It's ok Aunt Petunia. I deserved this. I talked about Diagon Ally to Dudley. I knew better."

The memories jumped around him till he found himself in the Headmasters office. Harry was sitting in the chair across from the old wizard.

"It was foolish of you to let Voldemort into your mind Harry! You got one of my Order members killed and threatened the lives of everyone that came to your rescue, all because you believed your Godfather to be in danger"

"I didn't think a rescue party would storm the Minestry sir. I never would have gone if I would have known Sirius was ok. I am sorry I got Professor Moody killed. I never meant for anyone to follow me." Harry pulled on the cuffs of his sleeves.

"Yes well it was idiotic of Black to come after you with the Order. What would you have done if he had been killed? Where would you have gone this summer if you had no guardian?"

The raven black head suddenly shot up. "You mean I am not going back to the Dursley's?" The hope in Harry's eyes seemed to cause the room to become brighter.

"You _were_ going to be staying with Sirius this summer but, because of your so called rescue mission, you will be staying with the Dursley's. I cannot afford to have others hurt or killed because you cannot listen. I will be asking Minerva to become your second guardian since Black seems to share your lack of control when it comes to being a hero." The headmaster was inspecting his fingernails never once looking at Harry.

"Can I stay with her this summer?" Severus could see the tears streaming down his face.

"No Harry. I am afraid that she would not trust you to stay out of trouble and she cannot handle your Gryffindor behavior after the events of this year. Professor McGonagall, Professor Snape and I have all agreed that the Dursley's is the safest place for you."

Harry suddenly stood fists clenched and his knuckles white. "You cannot send me back to that hell hole! They treat me worse than the Malfoys treated Dobby!"

"That is the only place that is safe for you right now Harry. No one can hurt you there." Dumbledore picked a piece of lint off his robes

"They can and they do!" the small candy jar on Dumbledore's desk suddenly exploded and lemon drops covered the surface.

"Harry every child is punished for their bad behavior. Surely if you stayed out of trouble and did as you were told things would not happen." Albus picked up a lemon dropped and placed it in his mouth. Severus made a mental note to himself that he may just accidently mistake a laxative potion for the next batch of calming lemon drops he made for Albus.

Harry reached behind his head and grasped the collar of his shirt and pulled it up over his head. He did not fully remove his shirt because that would require the cuts on his arms to be seen Severus thought to himself. Harry turned around so that his back was in perfect view of the Headmaster.

"This is punishment for me not cleaning the dust off the top of the T.V. last summer" Harry was pointing to a long white scar that ran half way down the middle of Harry's back. It had a striking resemblance to the shape of a fire poker.

"My uncle pinned me to the ground and let the fire poker become white with heat and then laid the length upon my skin, I can still remember the smell of my own flesh burning. He kicked me in the face after the metal cooled and told me to finish the rest of my chores and he left the house. My aunt rushed to me and cleaned me up the best she could. She has always been kind to me."

"Harry." Dumbledore stood and walked around towards the boy who was pulling his shirt over his head. "I'm sure you got that scar from the Triwizard tournament last year, perhaps the night in the graveyard. You are mixing your memories up my dear boy."

"Look, take a look in to my thoughts if you don't believe me."

Severus watched as Albus looked into Harry's eyes and searched his mind for the memory he was speaking of. Severus knew that Harry was telling the truth by the expression on the old man's face.

Albus shook his head to clear his own mind. "Perhaps you should make sure you do your chores as your uncle asks Harry and no harm will come of you." Stay out of trouble while you are there this summer please. We cannot have you killed because you forgot to water the plants; we need you to fight in this war."

Another memory found its way to him. This had just been this summer, two weeks ago; the day Dumbledore had gone to get Harry from the Dursley's to bring him to Hogwarts. Harry was in his room packing his things when his door swung open. A boy that seemed to be Harry's age was standing in the door way looking at him in fear.

"Harry, he's coming. He found out and he is pissed. Mom tried to stop him but he knocked her down." The young boy suddenly went still as Harry's uncle stood behind him. The younger boy was pushed out of the way and Severus watched helplessly as Vernon Dursley's beat Harry. He beat him with his fists, he kicked him, and he beat him with anything he could get his hands on.

"If I would have known I had a faggot living in my house. I would have killed you long ago you pathetic, no good scum!" Vernon Dursley's spit on Harry as he finished.

Harry lay motionless on the floor. Vernon looked at the young man that lay at his feet.

Harry was blooding from every part of his body that Severus could see, his heart broke for the boy, and Severus was seeing red and swore vengeance on Vernon Dursley for putting his hands on his Harry. His Harry, since when did he think of him as 'his Harry'? Severus was pulled back to the memory in front of him as Vernon reached for something in Harry's trunk. Vernon wrapped the red and yellow Gryffindor tie around Harry's neck and pulled. Severus watched helplessly as the young man tried to free himself from the fabric cutting off his oxygen. He watched as Harry tried to kick, claw, punch, even bite his uncle, but the man only pulled tighter.

"Get off him! You're killing him dad. You're killing him." Harry's cousin was pulling on his father trying to get Harry free. "Stop it you bastard!"

Severus watched as Harry stopped fighting to breathe, stopped fighting to live and just accepted that he would most likely die by the hands of his uncle. Severus watched as the life was starting to leave Harry's eyes.

There was a loud pop to Severus right; he turned to see Dumbledore standing looking down on the situation at hand. Severus let out the breath that he didn't realize he had been holding. Dumbledore would surely take care of Vernon. Dumbledore may be an ass and a manipulator but, he would never let someone get away with hurting his golden boy. Vernon had jumped and released Harry at the sound of Dumbledore's arrival. Harry's cousin was next to him trying to help Harry sit up and breath, which, Severus guessed, was hard for Harry to do because of broken ribs. Dumbledore looked at Vernon with a look Severus was not familiar with. He raised his hand and went to speak, but, before the words even left his mouth Vernon Dursley was out the door.

Dumbledore turned his attention to Harry. There was a sad look in his blue eyes. "Tsk, tsk. What have you done now Harry to upset your uncle so much?"

The rage on Dudley's face was nothing compared to the rage Severus Snape now felt. He wanted to grab the old coot by the robes and hex him right there. Harry groaned and Albus muttered a healing charm and Harry's wounds slowly vanished.

"Foolish boy, have I not told you time and time again to keep your head down and not cause problems for yourself? Let's go Harry. The sun is fading" Dumbledore reached out his hand for Harry and Severus pulled out of Harry's mind. He could not bring himself to view anymore memories.

He turned to Minerva who was staring at him with curiosity and concern. Severus could feel his anger rising. He pulled Harry into him and held him there squeezing him more for his own comfort than Harry's. He let him go and guided him to his godmother's arms. His face still burning with hatred for the headmaster

"Severus, what is wrong? What did you see?" Minerva looked terrified at her friend. She hadn't seen Severus look this angry in a very long time.

"I'm going to kill him Minerva. I'm going to kill that bastard."

Severus turned towards his floo with revenge on his mind. He hadn't taken a single step when the flames roared to life and Albus Dumbledore stepped out on the stone floor of Severus' living quarters.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: thank you to those that have left comments and reviews. I apologize for the previous chapters having so many errors; I did not read through it as well as I should. Like ALWAYS feedback is welcomed.**

Chapter 4

Albus looked up at the pair of Severus's from his temporary seat on the floor; the room slowly came back into focus and the stars disappeared from his vision.

"Severus? What in the name of Merlin has gotten into you?" Albus could not get the ringing in his ears to stop and he noticed that the right side of his face was starting to swell.

The old wizard reached out his hand so that the Potions Master could help him to his feet. The hand was smacked away and the hate in Severus' eyes told Albus that he was the cause of what ever had gotten in to the Slytherin. He pulled himself up off of the cold hard floor to stand in front of the man that had landed a rather nice left hook to his face. Albus spotted Harry who was sitting on the couch to his left; his Deputy Headmistress had her left arm firmly gripped around her Godson's shoulders as her right hand was holding on to the back of the Potions Master's robes to try and keep him from furthering his attack.

Albus brought his hand to his right check and the swelling began to vanish. The blue eyes of the Headmaster pierced through Severus's mind and into his thoughts. The Headmaster was shocked that the Slytherin was allowing him.

Severus knew that he would not be able to talk calmly to the man he once thought of as a friend, without cursing him or showing him that his right hook was stronger than his left. So he let Albus in to his memory, just the one memory. The one showing Albus he knew about the abuse.

The blue eyes widened and the sparkle that always seemed to be there vanished.

"Seems that things need to be explained my boy." The Headmaster said sheepishly.

"What is there to explain? You knew he was being abused and you let him stay there? How mad are you? When you went to retrieve him this summer you apparated onto the assault that almost cost Harry his life and you, the so called protector of this young man, blamed him for the things his uncle did." Severus was pointing at Harry, his hands shaking from the self-control it was taking to not backhand Dumbledick.

"Severus, what did you see?" Minerva was on her feet walking towards the two men.

"This bloody fool let Harry be beaten, starved, neglected, hated, and almost killed. He had lived in a cupboard under the stairs for 10 years. He wore a pillowcase as clothes till he was 5. He was beaten at 2 and locked in the cupboard for soiling himself in the brown bag they used as a diaper." Severus took a step towards the man and saw a little fear fill his crystal blue eyes. Good he thought, the ass should be afraid.

"Harry came to you begging you to help him. He showed you the scars, his memories, the wounds his body held, and you selfishly told him that he had to learn not to upset his uncle because that was the safest place for him. You knew he was not safe there; you wanted him there so they could break him for you. So that when it came time for Harry bloody Potter to take his leading role, we would have our savior of the world!"

Severus turned towards Minerva who was a shade of red Severus had never seen. "The day this asshole went to go get Harry his Uncle almost killed him all because of something Harry has no control over." He looked at Harry, who had laid his head back against the couch and was staring at the ceiling, tears still falling from the emerald eyes that Severus so often saw in his dreams. He would not 'out' Harry, no he would not do what had been done to him so long ago.

A sharp crack echoed throughout Severus' chambers as he and Harry quickly turned to identify the sound. Minerva had found her way to Dumbledore and her hand was raised ready to strike him again. Severus quickly moved to her side and held her arm still.

"You let him almost be killed just so he could continue being your golden boy? You let horrible things happen and be said to him? You lied to me! You told me he was loved and spoiled at his Aunt and Uncles. You told everyone he was being trained on the ways of our world and we all figured out that was far from the truth on his first day here. How can you sleep at night knowing you let horrible things happen to my Grandson?" Her eyes flashed quickly to Harry. She hadn't meant to call him that out loud but, it was true to her, he was her Grandson.

"Perhaps it would be best for you to go and retire to your room in my study Harry." Albus had side stepped to his left so that the two professors were not blocking his puppet.

Harry stood to follow the orders of his puppet master as he had done so many times before.

Minerva had spun around with so much force that she failed to notice she had knocked Severus back a couple of feet.

"Don't, you dare take another step Harry James." She walked toward him blocking the exit from his view.

"Minerva please, he does not need to see his Godmother abuse an old vulnerable man." Albus had stepped to the fireplace and threw a handful of floo powder into the flames "Headmaster's office." He looked at Harry and waved his hand for him to come. "We will talk about your unmannerly behavior towards your guests who traveled so for to celebrate this day with you. How rude it was of you to keep them waiting."

Harry's head dropped with guilt. He didn't know people had come on his birthday, he didn't think anyone would remember. He suddenly felt like he was 10 again and shuffled his feet towards the green flames dancing in the fireplace. A solid black mass glided in front of him blocking the Headmaster from Harry's view. His head was once again forced up by a gentle hand under his chin a silky smooth voice tickled his ears as he looked at the man In front of him.

"He does not own you Harry. You are your own person free to do as you wish. Do not let him make you feel as if you have failed him somehow. He is the one that has failed you Harry. He is the one that has let you feel as if all you are to anyone is a walking prophecy. We don't think that Harry." Severus eyes had moved towards Minerva who was standing behind Harry nodding her head viscously in agreement. "We like you for you. Not Harry Potter, not the spitting image of James Potter, we like you for being your own person. You can be that her with us, with me. You can be just Harry."

"I never would have thought that you would let your attraction for the boy, cloud your judgement Severus." Dumbledore had nudged his way into Harry's view. "Harry has a duty and an image to live up to and he knows that. Now that he has won the war his fame will take him far and as the new DADA teacher, parents from all over the world are trying to get their children's names on Hogwarts lists.

"I have revoked his teaching rights as Deputy Headmistress and as his guardian I forbid you to be in his presence." Minerva had spat the last words like venom at Dumbledore.

"I, as Headmaster, can reassign him his teaching rights and you have no say whether or not I can talk to him. He is an adult after all Minerva."

"That is exactly our point you idiot." Severus rolled his eyes as he took Harry's hand. "You have the choice here Harry. You can go and do as the Headmaster has demanded and retire to his study, or you can stay here with Minerva and me where we will let you be safe, or you can do whatever the bloody hell you please. If you want to fly out of the Great Hall on a purple horntail while flipping the bird and singing I believe I can fly, then do it. You are in charge of what path you want your feet to follow."

Before the words had even finished coming out of Severus mouth, Harry was running, running towards the exit, running past Salazar and Apophis. He heard the portrait slide shut behind him and then a loud thud as Dumbledore yelled for the guardian of the Potions Master's quarters to let him out.

"Run my little sssnake. I will keep him from you as long as I can." Salazar was shouting at Harry who had stopped to listen to the ancient tongue.

"Tell them I am going to the Lionsss Garden. They will know where I am." Harry bowed to the man that was still holding his guard from letting Dumbledore out.

Harry ran out the front doors of Hogwarts, past Madam Hooch and Professor Flitwick who yelled a Happy Birthday to him. He kept running, daring not to look back. He ran down the path to Hogsmeade and ducked behind Honeydukes

"Dobby." Harry breathed, trying to fill his lungs with air.

A loud crack and warm body was pressed up against him.

"Master Harry Potter! Dobby was hoping you would call for him sir." Dobby was hugging Harry around the knees and looking up at him with his giant eyes.

"Dobby, can you please get my things from the Headmaster's study and bring them here? I cannot stay here it isn't safe for me."

"Dobby told Master Harry Potter that Hogwarts was not safe for him so many years ago." With a loud crack Dobby was gone.

Harry tried to wrap his head around everything that had just happened in Severus's quarters. He had just disobeyed Dumbledore, yet he felt like a weight had been lifted from his chest and for the first time in his life he was beginning to see a faint light at the end of this long dark deserted tunnel he had been traveling down his whole life.

"Master Harry Potter will be much happier away from Headmaster Dumbledore." Dobby was sitting on top of Harry's trunk his cloak traveling cloak in Dobby's hands. He hadn't even heard him come back. "Dobby hopes Master Harry Potter will stop hurting himself when he leaves this place. Dobby would like to come with Harry Potter?"

Harry nodded his head to let the small house elf know he was welcome to follow him.

With a snap of the house elves fingers Harry's belongings disappeared and Dobby's small hand slid into his.

"The Lions Garden Harry Potter sir?"

"Yes Dobby. The Lions Garden"

With a crack the pair vanished leaving no trace of what path Harry had allowed his feet to follow.

The sight of the Headmaster being bounced off the backside of Salazar's portrait was amusing to Severus; the fact that a portrait in Hogwarts was refusing to obey to the old man was enough to make Severus's lip curl into a grin that Minerva had not seen in many years.

"Enough Albus, You have already caused enough damage in Potters life, I don't wish you to start with mine by destroying my portrait guardian."

"You will know what damage is as soon as I have finished with you" Albus spoke with a shaky voice.

"Is that a challenge, because I will end this right now? I should have killed you the moment your pointed nose stuck itself through my floo." Snape had once again found himself in front of Albus pressing him back against the wall.

"Harry is nothing but a walking idol, Severus." Dumbledore appealed "He will never have a normal life. We needed him to defeat Voldemort. I had to have him raw and broken. That was the only way we could make him into the hero we needed."

"No Albus" Minerva interrupted. "You needed him to defeat Voldemort, because you were to selfish and afraid to do it yourself so you sent a 17 year old boy to do your dirty work; you let Severus spy for you and almost be killed because you wanted more information. No more. I will not allow you to hurt them any further." Minerva was eyeing the man as if begging him to try to argue so that he would give her a reason to do him harm.

Severus was taken aback that she had brought his safety into the conversation. He knew Minnie cared but until that moment he did not realize how deeply.

Albus let out a low cackle that sent a chill down Severus's spine; it painfully reminded him of the Dark Lords laugh.

"You're threats do not scare me. I will do as I see fit, I dare you to try and stop me." Albus' eyes squinted at the two people he now hated the most, they had screwed everything up. He threw some powder into the floo and disappeared amongst the flames as an unforgivable sailed after him.

"Damn it!" Minerva shouted, her wand was raised pointing to where the man stood seconds ago.

"Minerva, what in the bloody hell did you just do?" Severus was staring at the woman in complete awe that she could have that much hate towards Albus to perform an unforgivable.

"Don't look so shocked, you know how protective I am of you and Harry. No one threatens my family and then taunts me." She was sliding her wand back into the sleeve of her robe and fixing the piece of hair that had fallen from her bun.

"Is that disgrace of a wizard gone, my young serpent?" Salazar had appeared in the frame that had been empty beside the fire place.

"In dead sir, he is a disgrace and he has departed unfortunately without too much damage." Severus folded his arms and glared at the floo. He should have turned him into a soccer ball the moment he set foot in his room. Severus smirked to himself at the thought of him kicking the soccer ball Albus against the wall and shouting goal every time he footed it into the fireplace.

"The young snake has gone and said to inform you he has gone to the Lions Garden. He said you would know where he was. Helga also informed me that a house elf has taken the liberty of accompanying him"

Severus and Minerva looked relieved to know that Harry was going to Minerva's family home in the states. No one but she and Severus knew that about the Manor besides the elf that was with him now. Harry would be safe there from the influences of the wizarding world and one Albus Dumbledore.

"Dobby will keep him safe till we can get to him tonight; that elf is so bound to him it's disturbing." Severus reassured himself.

Minerva nodded and without a word, left to go and gather her things. Severus began to do the same. Gathering books and clothing and putting them in a small chest, he quickly went to his potions lab scanning the shelves for a certain vial. When his eye reached the vial of yellow thick paste he smiled to himself.

"We'll take care of those scars Harry. You won't have to look at them and relive that pain." Severus looked at his own wrist that had once been covered in scars just like Harry's. "We have more in common than we realize young lion." He slid the vial into the chest with his clothes putting it between two pairs of shirts to keep it from breaking.

Severus closed the trunk shrunk it, and placed it in his inside cloak pocket. He grabbed his cloak off its hook by the door and walked to the floo. He grabbed a handful of powder and threw it into the flames.

"Hogshead." The destination was clear and blunt. He stepped into the flames and disappeared.

He stepped out into the small pub in Hogsmeade to see Minerva was already there, he breathed and followed her out the door.

"Ready?" Her hand out stretched to Severus.

He took it nodding his head and with a loud crack they vanished leaving the streets of Hogsmeade empty once again.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Thank you to all my followers and to all the fans that have Favorited Tired.**

 **To my Reviewers:**

 **Crazyhellokity1997 thank you fro the encouragement**

 **Sakura Lisel: Thank you**

 **BeholdTheMetatron1946: Thank you for pointing out that I needed someone to thoroughly proof read my final thoughts. What makes sense to me isn't what everyone else sees.**

 **AnimeFreak71777: I love seeing your smiley faces.**

 **Godiva9: The encouragement is welcoming. thank you.**

 **mrs-severus-snape666: you stole my man ;) thank you for your interest and encouragement.**

 **I took the risk in writing a fanfiction and putting in personal situations that I myself have gone through. I self harmed for many many years and now live with the scars as a reminder of the pain and difficulty that was occurring in my life of struggling with being a lesbian and having to live up to my parents ideal image of what they wanted for their daughter. so I expressed my fears and my depression through Harry these first few chapters and making my self be connected to him from a fans point of view.**

 **I hope you all will enjoy this chapter and as ALWAYS feedback is encouraged, good or bad.**

Chapter 5

The smell of the ocean breeze was foreign to Harry but it somehow made him feel as if he were home. He opened his eyes and had to blink several times to adjust to the bright summer sun; he hadn't thought about the time difference between Scotland and Oregon.

The Lions Garden would have been a beauty by its self but, the back drop of the ocean made the scenery breath taking. McGonagall's family Manor was of descent size, nothing like the Malfoy's, but enough to house a dozen or so guests. The outside of the Manor was a soft pale blue with two large front porches, each on different levels. There were several large windows on the front of the house and a large Statue of a lion sat by the massive oak front door. Harry walked around to the backside of the Manor and caught his breath, the ocean was beautiful, and it was a dark blue with oranges and reds from the setting sun reflecting off of it. The beach looked soft and warm and Harry wanted to run down and absorbed in the warmth of the sun and sand. There was a rather large set of stairs leading from the beach to the grounds of the Manor. A large grassy lawn was between the stairs to beach and the back deck of The Lions Garden. The rear of the Manor seemed to be made up of nothing but windows, what a beautiful view to wake up to Harry thought. He could see that there were 3 bedrooms in the back of the manor and he guessed that there was another 4 or 5 in the front. He walked back to the oak front door to find Dobby arguing with the lion statue that guarded the entrance.

"Dobby, what's wrong?" Harry was staring at the statue who was eyeing him cautiously.

"The Lion won't let Dobby in sir. He says Dobby was not invited." Dobby was glaring at the statue refused to surrender his sights from Harry.

"Who are you trespasser?" The Lion roared.

"I am Minerva McGonagall's Godson, Harry. She told me I was always welcome here."

The Lion sank into a respectful bow.

"Forgive me young Sir. She has told me of you and that you have permission to come here if ever you were in trouble." The Lions eyes shot open and scanned the surroundings of the Manor, his yellow eyes coming once again to rest on Harry.

"You are in trouble cub; someone has threatened your safety?"

"Yes. Albus Dumbledore." Harry looked around to make sure that the man had not followed him somehow.

"Get inside young Lion; no one can touch you here. Do not leave the protection of the wards young cub; we cannot protect you if you slip behind them, Guardians!"

Harry watched as dozens of Garden guardians came to life. There were half a dozen lions that had come from Harry's right and several pairs of stone knights were standing behind him with swords drawn and held in front of them. The ground beneath Harry's feet began to tremble and he looked up to see a massive jewel stoned dragon taking a stance with his body over Harry as if like a stone safe shelter, his jewels glistened in the Oregon sun.

"Guardians, Dame McGonagall's young cub's life is in danger. You know what is expected of you, let no harm come to him, watch him and protect him." The Lion was once again scanning the grounds looking for anything that might harm the young one.

"Thank you eh- what is your name sir?" Harry had bowed in gratitude to his new protector.

"I am Lux. Protector of the Gryffindor heir." Lux bowed deeply again.

"Protector of the Gryffindor heir, as in Godric Gryffindor?" Harry was sure his eyes were popping out of his head.

"Is there any other?" Lux had raised his brow at Harry. "Has your Godmother not told you she is the only living heir of Gryffindor young lion?"

"No. She hasn't." Harry let his head drop a little, his Godmother had never said anything about her family and he had never asked. She must think he doesn't care about her. But she must not trust him enough to revival that she is the last Heir to Godric Gryffindor

"She has her reasons young cub. She will tell you when the time is right. Do not doubt her." Lux had taken his stance by the door once again. "Enjoy yourself here young one. If you wish to venture please be sure to do so with a guard, any of my lions will be sure to accompany you if your house elf is not available."

Harry thanked him and the guards and went inside. He was overcome with joy at the inside of Gryffindor's home. There were deep purple walls in the room on his left with a large window to look out over the front lawns. A round ragged table, that had an ancient wizard chess board on top with two chairs tucked underneath, was to the right of the window and smooth smoky grey leather couch was along the back wall facing out towards the view. The room to Harry's right was much larger than the room before, it was dark yet it was warm and had a feeling of comfort. There were no windows in this room only book, lining every surface. There was a large fireplace with two very lumpy over stuffed arm chairs in front of it, a small table with a lamp rested in between them. Harry gave a small smile as he imagined his Godmother sitting in a chair during the summer breaks drinking a nice glass of wine and reading books by her favorite muggle authors. There was a staircase leading up to the other floors and the kitchen was just behind. Harry proceeded to climb the stairs. When he got to the top of the landing he was at the start of a small hall with a door on each side and one at the end. The first door was to a bathroom. It was clean and white without a splash of color yet was warm and welcoming. A large in ground soaker tub took up most of the floor in the middle of the room. Harry told himself he would make good use of that.

The door at the end of the hall held a large bedroom with green and white walls a closet that could have fit the his whole Gryffindor Quidditch team from his 7th year. It had its own bathroom with a much larger and deeper in ground soaking tub. A chunky, oak, 4 post bed, with a maroon comforter, was to the left of the entrance, the bed faced the wall of windows so that it looked out over the ocean. Harry saw his things had already been put away and hung up in the closet and his toiletry items were sitting on the bathroom counter, it seemed he had found where he would be sleeping. He walked to the wall of windows and looked out over the ocean view feeling the last of the suns warmth wrap around him.

"How can my world be so dark when it's so beautiful in everyone else's world?" Harry pressed his forehead against the glass and looked down at the ground below; his glasses digging into the bridge of his nose.

He stayed like that for some time before he decided to explore the rest of the Lions Garden. The third door in the hall was to one of the bedrooms that were at the front of the house; it was smaller than his and did not have its own bathroom but had a door that lead to one of the large porches that he had seen when he first arrived. He took the other staircase up to the next floor and the lay out was the same as the one below. There was a bedroom with a porch and a bathroom across the hall. Harry walked into the bedroom at the end of the hall; a gasp rang off the walls as he walked in. The room was just like his with large windows, a private bathroom and a large 4 post bed but, the way it was decorated was what had caught Harry by surprise. Emerald green and silver banners lined the walls; stacks of books had been piled in to corners, a large Slytherin banner hung above the bed frame. An emerald green spread with silver snakes rested across the bed. Harry looked around the room confused wondering why there were Slytherin decorations in the house of Godric Gryffindor. There was a door on the right side of the wall, a couple feet from where Harry had entered, his room didn't have this. Curiosity had already got the better of him why stop now. He opened the door and stepped into a dark musty room that reminded him of the dungeons at Hogwarts

"Lumos Maxima" Harry flicked his wand and the room was filled with light.

There were cauldrons, potion ingredients and books lining the walls. A small desk was pushed into the dark to Harry's left, parchment covered the surface a waste paper basket was wedged in the corner, crumbled up parchment overflowing on to the floor and several wades were scattered around it as if someone had missed when throwing it from the desk. Harry walked over to the table that was in the middle of the room, the work table had a cauldron sitting on it almost begging to be used; an old potion book sat beside it looking very familiar to him. Harry opened the front cover of the book to see the owners name written on the inside cover.

'This Book is Property of The Half-Blood Prince'

Harry couldn't help but let out a chuckle.

"So there is a snake hiding amongst the lions eh Snape?" Harry closed the book and walked out of the lab, out of Severus room and to the next stairwell.

The third and final landing was odd. It had one door and nothing else. Harry turned the knob and walked into the largest room he had been in yet. The walls were white except for the wall that the large bed was pushed up against it was a solid shade of Gryffindor red. He knew this was his Godmothers room not wanting to invade her privacy Harry was making his way to leave when a picture caught his eye.

The picture was on a night stand next to Minerva's bed and the figures in the frame were waving at him. He rushed to the frame so that he could a get better look. A younger Minerva was looking back at him smiling as she bounced the young baby boy in her arms. She lifted the small child's hand and waved it at Harry who was now holding back tears. The small child was him. Minerva had been there before Hogwarts before the Dursley's, before she was his Godmother. Harry turned to leave not wanting to be reminded of how alone he now was, when he now stared at a wall covered in dozens of pictures.

There were pictures of the original Order, pictures of the Marauder when they were young Gryffindor's. There was a picture of Dumbledore's Army that was centered in the middle of the wall how she got that he would never know but he had to suppress the urge to not rip it down and burn it, Dumbledore's Army, for like Dumbledore's an Asshole. There were pictures of the Weasley's, of James and Lily, there were several pictures of Minerva and a young Severus and the Slytherin was actually smiling, Harry had never seen him smile. Then a small photo to his left made his heart stop. It was the picture of Ron, Hermione and him at the end of their first year. He was laughing and smiling he looked happy and at peace but it had been his eyes that finally drew his attention, how bright and hopeful they were, pure and kind.

"If only I could save you from yourself." Harry spoke out loud running a hand down the picture as he sank to his knees crying. "How did I get from that, that happy, independent, not a care in the world child, to this, a self-loathing, addict of self-harm? You have no knowledge of how alone in this world you truly are. If only you would have died that night. You would never know this pain you would never know the damage you caused in this world, the lives you ruined, the deaths of friends and family you are responsible for."

Harry pushed himself off the ground and walked down the stairs, down through the kitchen, past Dobby who paid him no attention, out on to the back deck, where he crossed the grounds to where the stairway leads to the beach. The sun had set as Harry reached the sand. His shoes felt unwelcomed so he pulled them off along with his cloak and socks. He pulled his shrunken invisibility cloak from his pocket; he always kept it with him in case of emergencies. He laid the cloak on top of his other belongings and walked towards the edge of the water where the waves tickled his toes. He kept walking, walking in to the liquid black hue that reminded him of his emotions, letting it swallow him. He pulled his head under the waves and let the air slowly escape from his lungs. He stayed under the water, letting it pull him down, till the edge of his vision started to spot with black and had begun to cloud, his head broke the surface gasping for air as he treaded in his emotions.

He swam back towards the shore that looked so far away; he had not realized how far out he had been pulled by the waves and he was getting tired from swimming. He felt his feet hit the bottom of the ocean floor and he walked through the water till he could crawl to the beach where he collapsed on to his back staring up at the night sky. He could feel the waves crashing up against him and for a moment he thought about moving just a little in case the tide raised more. The thought of the ocean swallowing him whole and pulling him out to sea was eerily comforting to him. The ocean didn't care who her victims were, young or old, male or female, broken or whole, she didn't care. Harry felt a chill run over his body as a small gust of warm summer wind nipped at his soaked skin and clothes. He rolled a couple times to his right so that the boulders behind him shielded him from the wind and preformed a drying charm on his clothes. He could no longer see the Lions Garden which, didn't really matter since nobody would be looking for him. He looked up into the night sky to gaze at the half moon. The incomplete orb made him think of Moony and Padfoot and how they would most likely grant Harry's deepest darkest wish and murder him for the cuts on his wrists and arms. A small sigh escaped the broken man's throat.

"I'm sure you would be disappointed in me as well if you knew what I've become." His mind engraved the image of his parents as he spoke out to them.

The warm breeze still cut sharp on his skin and made him shiver. He accioed his cloak and pulled it around him covering his head and body to keep the wind off. He was too exhausted to realize what cloak he had cocooned himself in. As he became invisible amongst the sand and sea grass, Harry let himself drift off to the dream that was waiting for him, in his good dreams he could do and be whoever he damn well pleased; in his good dreams he never was Harry Potter, he never had a scar, he was never defeated Voldemort, he was always just normal, he was just Harry.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

"Why Gryffindor chose the west cost for his family Manor is beyond me." Severus grumbled while he smoothed out his robes and made sure all his limbs were where they should be. "To get here takes four Different apparition spots; it takes a lot out this old man."

Minerva raised an eyebrow at him and scoffed. "If you are old then that means I am ancient."

"More like prehistoric." Severus ducked as Minerva tried to cuff him on the head.

"I like the west coast, it's soothing. Besides, Bandon is small and quiet, it may be a tourist spot but the muggles never come up the coast this far." Minerva looked at her family manor as she began to walk; her chest filling with warmth, she was home once again.

"That's what I don't understand. It's a muggle tourist attraction; why stay where the muggles are constantly smothering the town?" Severus scanned the grounds looking for any hidden danger and followed after her.

The night was painstakingly still besides the warm summer breeze that rustled through the tree and whipped his ink-like colored hair into his face. He brushed the strands of hair aside, dissatisfied with himself for not pulling it back. It was longer than it had been in 15 years; it was past his shoulders, thick, jet black, and soft. There was a gray strand of hair that ran down the left side and framed his face. He liked the gray personally; it made him feel unique and original.

They reached the oak door leading to the Gryffindor family Manor and Lux quickly bowed to them and they returned the gesture.

Severus respected the Lion; it was after all, because of Lux and his guardians that he was able to get away from the Death Eater who had attacked him when had spent the summer here at age 14. The painfully clear memory came rushing into his mind, pulling him away from the present.

He was sitting under the droopy vine tree in the garden reading 'Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them' shaded from the hot July sun. A small rustle from the bush in front of him caught is attention and he stood to go investigate. Spiritus, the Dragon garden protector who had been resting near him, also noticed the large bush quiver. He pulled his gravel head from the ground and quickly came to his feet to stand over the young Slytherin who was quickly engulfed in the dragons' large shadow. As Severus was watching the bush from under the bridge of his protector's body, a scream escaped his mouth and pain coursed through his nerves as he dropped to his knees. This was not his first encounter with the Cruciatus curse and, sadly, it would not be his last.

A hand reached out and grabbed him by the crown of his head, claiming a fist full of hair, and he felt his body being dragged away. Spiritus let out a mighty loud roar that echoed off the hillside nearby. It was the sound that brought Severus back to his senses and subdued the pain that was still in his bones. He reached for his wand only to see it was several feet behind him; being only 14, he had not yet mastered wandless magic and cursed himself for taking it out of his pocket to sit up under the shady tree. He struggled against the Death Eater who had attacked him, wondering how the evil git had managed to bypass the Manor's wards and guards. Severus kicked the dark entity, punched him and he clawed against the hooded man's grasp. The young Slytherin's efforts were rewarded with a bone crushing punch to his face. Severus yelled out in pain as he felt his nose break and blood pooled in the back of his throat and run down his lips.

"If you do not come quietly, this will not end well for you my son." The Death Eater had stopped to peer down at the young teen that was cowering in fear.

Severus knew that voice, even with the cold silver mask covering his face and the black hooded robe hiding flesh and hair, he knew his father's voice.

"Did you think that I would not find you? Did you think that you were safe here, protected by wards and stones?" Tobias looked through the holes in his mask at the dragon that was running towards him now in full protective mode. "You have a duty to up hold and I will not let my son embarrass me or write my death sentence because he doesn't want to follow the Dark lord. You do not have a choice Severus. Your life has already been written for you."

Tobias raised his wand to cast a spell towards the stone dragon that was now only feet away. But before he could get his lips to form the spell, a large smooth stone lion had knocked the Dark Lords disciple to the ground with a painful groan.

Lux peered down in to the man's face; the force of the lion knocking him to the ground had caused the mask to fall free. The rage in the guardians' eyes was disturbing.

"How did you get past the wards?" Lux let out a low growl.

Tobias let out an odd breathless sound.

"It is Dark magic. Old, dark magic."

Minerva came through the garden door running to Severus and taking him into her arms.

"Are you ok? What did he do to you? Is that blood? Hold still; let me fix your nose. Is that all that is broken?" Minerva looked him over thoroughly spinning him around to check his back before turning him around to face her and pulling him into her chest and holding Severus tightly.

Minerva could feel Severus's body shaking against her. She didn't know if it was from fear or pain. She rubbed his back in small circles attempting to calm the teen. She cupped Severus's face in her hands and brought his eyes to meet hers. She could see the pain in the young Slytherin's eyes, a look that she had seen so often when she was a Heeler at St. Mungo's. She turned towards the evilness still pinned under the large stone lion's paws, pushing Severus behind her.

"What did you do to your son?" Her voice was stern and threatening.

"Whatever I bloody well felt like doing. I am his father and you took him from me." The man was pushing against the stone lion trying to get to Minerva. A heavy paw pushed down on his throat making him rethink his decision and he remained still under the weight of the stone.

"I did not take him from you Tobias. He chose me. I did what I had to do to ensure the safety of my student." Minerva put a protective hand on Severus who had peaked around her to look at his father. "We alerted the Ministry when Severus came to school last year with a wound so infected our school Heeler had never seen anything like it and she was a battlefield Heeler for Christ's sakes." Minerva paused to collect herself before she continued.

"When the Ministry learned you used the Cruciatus curse as a form of punishment on him they came to the school and told Severus that he would not be returning to you. When asked where he would like to live, Severus asked if he could live with me. The ministry informed me of his request and I applied for guardianship the very same day. You lost your right to call yourself his father when you raised your wand to harm him. It makes me sick that a 'father' could do that to his child."

"What would you like done with this scum, Dame McGonagall? I think he would make a lovely throw rug on the front porch." A hopeful grin was clear on Lux's face as he leaned in to Tabius taunting him to try something.

"Summon the Ministry please Spiritus, let them know that Tobias Snape has attacked his son and used illegal magic to breach my wards. I know he is a wanted man and they have been actively looking for him." Minerva was still using her body to shield Severus from his father. "I want this pathetic excuse for a man watched until the Aurors can collect him."

She turned to Severus putting an arm around his shoulders and hugging him to her side.

"Let us leave here my young one; you do not need to see what is to come." Minerva was steering him towards the garden door that led to the front lawns of the manor, stone lions encircling them in a protective display, matching the humans pace as they walked.

"I will never let him hurt you again Severus. I promise." Minerva squeezed even tighter against her.

"Severus? Severus, are you alright?" Minerva had a hand on his arm tugging him from his memory.

"I'm alright Minnie. Just memories of this place"

"Glad to see that you are still with us Young Severus." Lux was sitting a few feet from his normal position to look around the dark deserted grounds once more.

"I do try to keep out of trouble Lux but, it seems to find me no matter where I am." Severus joined the guardian in a thorough and final look around the area of the Lions Garden.

The moon being half full, still gave the two protective figures enough light to see if anything or anyone was out of place.

"The young lion that you both so fondly speak of arrived 2 hours ago. His elf is with him now inside." Lux walked to his perch by the door and sat with a fearsome stare. "I have made it clear to him not to wander the grounds alone. He knows that one of my lions is available to him if his elf cannot be. We have strengthened the wards and brought in more guards Dame. No one will harm him, I give you my word."

Minerva walked forward and patted the stone cat on the head.

"Thank you Lux. He is one of the few lights that I have left in my life; I don't know what I would do if he was ever harmed." Sadness filled her eyes at these words, she knew that she had failed in protecting Harry from harm; she just never thought that she would have to protect Harry from himself.

They stepped inside the house greeted by a scene that caused them to stop in their tracks.

Dobby had his head in the oven and was slamming the door on it. This had been reaped several times by the look of the black lump forming on the elves head.

"Bad Dobby, Bad." Dobby brought the oven door to his head once again with a murderous crack.

Severus rushed over to the small creature and pulled him away preventing him from splitting his head open.

"Why are you punishing yourself, and what has happened in this home?" Severus was looking around the kitchen and into the small living space; tables and chairs were turned over. Sofas moved and things pulled out of cupboards as if someone was frantically searching for something or someone.

"Dobby has failed Sir. Dobby is a horrible friend. He must be punished Sir" The little elf was sobbing while he ringed is own ears.

Minerva had come to his aide pointing her wand at the black and purple lump on Dobby's head. It slowly healed. She took his hands in hers and spoke softly to the elf.

"Dobby, what is wrong?"

Severus looked franticly around realizing that something was wrong.

"Dobby, Where is Harry?" Severus asked with a lump in his throat.

"Dobby can't find Master Harry Potter. Dobby has searched everywhere!"

Severus and Minerva jumped to their feet running for the staircases; Minerva praying that the brightest light in her life had not burned out.


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Thank you to all the followers and reviewers. You make it so I keep writing this story. Thank you**

Chapter 7

"I have already looked there Severus, twice!" Minerva was shouting at him as he rummaged around in the broom closet at the end of the hall.

Severus continued to pull items from the shelves pretending not to hear her. She could have missed him hiding in the shadows. Severus knew Harry would not be hiding in a broom closet, it would be too much like the cupboard under the stairs, but he had to be sure to check everywhere, the man was desperate. With an unsatisfied grunt he withdrew from inside, kicking a large plastic bucket that hindered his path, down the hall in frustration of not being able to find Harry.

"I checked his room, he is not there. I even pulled the covers from his bed to make sure he was not curled up under them. I know he was in there; his face print is clearly on the window." Minerva was looking through the guest bedroom next to Harry's room, pulling covers and linens off the bed once more.

"I am going to go check my room and lab, perhaps he is brewing something." Fear reached in and ripped Severus's heart from his chest as he thought of all the potion books that had recipes for suicide poisons. He bolted to his room not sharing his concern with Minerva.

"I will check my room also." The witch disappeared in the other direction heading for the third landing.

Severus burst through his bedroom door like a dungeon bat out of hell, nearly pulling the hinges from the door frame when he failed to release the knob.

He scanned the room and saw no sight of the black haired young man amongst the green and silver. He went to the bathroom looking down in to the soaking pool, it was empty of course. The closet was next and it was untouched but still, the Slytherin pulled his clothes from where they were hanging perfectly and tossed them on the floor in a heap. He pulled his shoes from their shelves throwing them against the wall when Potter was not somehow curled up on the small shelf. He left the closet and proceeded to his private lab; he paused, took a deep breath and prepared himself for what he might find on the other side.

Darkness was all that he could see, he cast a charm and a small bright orb shot from his wand and lit the room with a piercing white light. There was no one here, nothing but his potion books and cauldrons. He scanned the shelves making sure all his ingredients where there, before turning to his old text book on the counter. It was slightly off from where he had left it, it might not have been noticeable to anyone else but, he knew.

"Of course you have been here Potter; you have always had a problem when it came to respecting others privacy." Severus voice was soft and sounded somewhat amused, he smiled to himself; the young man was still predictable.

He could hear Minerva's desperate footsteps in her room above him; he looked to his desk to make sure Harry had not fallen asleep there when a loud crash sounded from the room above. He quickly shut the potion lab door and rushed to the stairs.

Minerva knew that Harry had been in her room. The small picture frame of them when Harry was a baby had been moved, she placed it back in the appropriate spot and started to look throughout the room, hoping he was here somewhere. He wasn't. She gave a deep shaken sigh and turned to leave when her wall of pictures jumped out at her. She noticed the picture of Harry and his two best friends was tilted and the glass smudged. She scanned the other pictures looking for any other sign, a smudge, a missing picture, hell even a broken one, but everything else was as it should be.

The large picture of her students that had formed Dumbledore's Army made her stomach turn. It used to be her favorite photo. She was so proud of Harry and his friends that they had respected Dumbledore so much to form the defense group, now she felt sick looking at it. She wondered if Dumbledore had somehow forced Harry into making the small group and naming it after himself and letting Harry put his life on the line with that toad of a woman Umbridge.

Anger and hate washed over her and she pulled the photo from the wall and threw it across the room.

"Selfish bastard!" She screamed as she walked over to the photo that had come free from the frame. She picked it up and began to shred the photo into pieces.

A moment later, Severus stood in her doorway looking from the shattered pieces of glass and small bits of broken frame, to Minerva who was still destroying the photo. A small ball of fire burst from her wand and the pile went up in flames. She turned towards Severus who had not moved from the door way.

"I hate him, I will not go back to Hogwarts if he is still there and alive." She could not even bring herself to say Dumbledore's name. He caused too much pain and anger. For a moment she felt as if this was Voldemort all over again, people being too afraid to say the Dark Lords name.

"Agreed, we will deal with that on a later day. Right now, we still have a Potter to find." A reassuring tone was prominent in Severus's voice

"We have searched everywhere in the house." Minerva said.

Their eyes met and they quickly moved for the stairs and out the doors leading to the grounds, Severus taking the front and Minerva going out the back.

"Lux, you never saw Harry after he went inside correct?" Severus asked as he pulled a plant out of a large ceramic pot on the front porch, peering down into the soil almost expecting Potter to be there.

"No, I never saw him exit the front of the house. Has he gone missing?" Lux was looking at Severus with a bewildered look but, Severus was now sifting through the soil in the pot still looking for Potter.

Lux jumped from the porch onto the blue-green summer grass with a heavy thud.

"We will find him do not worry, and Severus?"

"Yes?"

"I am quite sure he is not hiding in a pot of soil. Please put the young mandrake back in his bed before it begins to cry, their screaming is murder." Lux winced as the plant gave a small shake.

Severus looked down at the soil in the pot and then to the small fat baby like plant in his hand.

"Ugly little thing aren't you." Severus glared at the small plant before shoving it back into the pot.

"Go and check the garden young snake. He may be lurking in there." Lux left him and went to go gather his guards.

Severus entered the gardens and felt as if it was the first time seeing them. The moon glowed on the plant like oasis and the wind made the droopy vine trees leaves dance in celebration at Severus's return. He smiled to himself and the memories he formed here, but pushed them back returning to the task at hand.

"Potter, are you here? Harry?"

The night answered him back with the sounds of trickling water from the fountain and small creek, their sounds echoed through the deserted paradise.

"Ah, my young friend, I wondered when you would be back."

A large stone head had appeared above Severus, the Potions Master craned his neck upwards to look at Spiritus.

"I was here two weeks ago. You act as if it's been a life time whenever I return from an outing. One of us clearly has separation issues and it's not me." Severus's voice was humorous and light as he patted the solid creature's rough stone belly.

"Can a rock not have a heart? Besides, I enjoy your silent company." Spiritus matched Severus's tone perfectly.

"You have not seen Harry Potter in here have you?" Severus asked his old friend.

"Is he Dame McGonagall's Godson? If so, then no I have not. Lux never told us his name just that he was her cub. I last saw him stepping into the house moments after his arrival. Is this the young man that saved your life, the one with the stupid, perfect beautiful eyes? The one you would not shut up about all summer?" The stone dragon simply asked.

Severus was glad that the moon was not full so that Spiritus could not see the red from embarrassment in his cheeks. He kicked the dragon's stone foot and winced in pain as his toes began to throb.

"I have no idea what you are talking about." Severus hissed as he held his injured foot in his hand hopping up and down on the other to keep from losing his balance. "You make it sound as if I have a heart."

"Come now Severus, we worked so hard together to free the old grumpy dungeon bat from your cold beat less chest." The dragon gave a small chuckle. "You like him and you know it."

"We cannot locate him anywhere. Dobby, his elf, says he never saw him leave." Severus was now pacing the garden walkway trying to think of where else Potter could have gone.

"Let us check the perimeter of the grounds and forest; he has to be here, none of the wards sounded. Do not worry Severus we will find him. I know what he means to you." Spiritus stepped over the garden wall that surrounded the area to start his patrol of the grounds.

"You keep your big mouth shut you stone lizard or I will chip you away into smooth rocks and skip you across the ocean! Then you will know what it feels like to fly, you piece of gravel!" Severus shouted to the now disappearing stone figure, who shouted back something that sounded like Snake and lion sitting in a tree.

He snarled at the piece of stone and sent a crude gesture in its direction. He took one last glance around the garden and hoped Minerva was having better luck than him. If ever there was a need for Felix Felicis, this was it.

"Stupid Potter, how is that you can make me feel this way?" He shook his head and wandered out the door to follow the stone lizard.

Minerva was a mess to say the least, she frantically ran about the grounds looking for any sign of her Godson.

"Damn it Harry, where are you? If you have gone and done something foolish, I will never forgive myself." She spoke to the midnight sky. "Can you ever forgive me for failing you?"

He was nowhere on the grounds and she was starting to lose hope of finding him alive. She asked a small stone frog sitting on a rock near the deck if she had seen Harry.

"I am not sure who Harry is Dame but, I did see a man with black hair go down to the beach." The small frog nodded her head towards the stairs that gave access to the ocean. "That was more than an hour ago and he has not returned. The man seemed very upset. I am stuck here on this rock and cannot move about the grounds like the other guardians. I was going to inform Lux about the young black haired man but Lux has yet to cross my path."

Minerva ran down the stairs skipping steps two at a time in her eagerness to find Harry. She was still running when her feet hit the sand. She ran down the left side of the beach shouting his name into the black abyss pausing here and there to wait for an answer. When she went as far as the boundaries of the wards she turned and ran towards the other side of the beach that had not been searched. She continued to run, she continued to shout his name; she only stopped when she saw a dark lumpy pile in front of her on the shore.

"Lumos."

Harry had placed his socks and traveling cloak lumped together in a pile, on the sandy shore with his shoes resting next to them. Minerva knelt down next to the pile, grasping the cloak in her hand, searching the beach for any sign of its owner.

"Harry, where as you?" The question was barely above a whisper as her eye looked painfully out towards the ocean.

The desperate Godmother walked further down the beach, wand still in hand, continuing her search for Harry. She suddenly felt her feet catch something hard and she automatically stretched her arms out in front of her to brace herself as she fell. Minerva hit the beach with a light thud, thankful that the sand was soft and no damage was done. She turned herself over to see what had been hiding in the darkness causing her to trip. She was expecting a piece of drift wood, or a small boulder, she even expected an animal to be sitting at her feet. She raised her lit wand and pointed it towards her feet and was confused to see nothing there. Perhaps it was an animal and it had run away when she kicked it. She pulled her feet toward her to stand and stopped when she noticed a hand with a small ruby jeweled ring on its right index finger lying motionless on the sand.

Instant relief surrounded Minerva, as she felt her emotions come to the surface. She knew this was Harry's hand. She had given him the ring just this last Christmas, it was custom made and rare. Fear suddenly took over when she realized just how still the hand was. It didn't move, it didn't jerk, and the hand seemed lifeless. Minerva gently placed an unsteady hand on her Godson's exposed flesh and felt that it was frigid. The air was suddenly thick and Minerva found herself struggling to breathe, she didn't know if he was dead or alive. Minerva may be a Gryffindor but, she could not gather the courage to pull the cloak from around Harry's face. She did not want to see cold lifeless eyes looking back at her. Not wanting to leave Harry after searching so long for him, she walked to the foot of the stairs and pointed her wand to her throat and her voice cut through the silent night.

"Severus, I need you! I've found him, we are on the beach! Please, hurry!" The desperate cry of Minerva's voice echoed all around her.

Severus was near the entrance to the forest when Minerva's plea reached his ears. He ran as fast and as hard as his feet would allow. The Slytherin reached the stairs that would lead him to the beach. His long legs made it easy for him to jump several stairs at a time and soon he was at the bottom, bent over with his hands on his knees trying to catch his breath. He had not run like that since the night Voldemort found out he was Dumbledore's spy. When he was finally able to breathe normally, he straightened up and looked into Minerva's face, he felt his heart break, he hated that look, that look of pain and unknowing, the look of desperation.

"What is it?" Severus looked around the dark beach. "Where is he?"

Minerva motioned for him to follow as she walked back to where Harry's hand was.

"I, I tripped over him, that's how I found him. He has wrapped himself up in his invisibility cloak." Minerva's was horse and broken. "When I went to stand up I noticed his hand, I'm not sure if the cloak slipped when I tripped over him or it's been exposed to the summer breeze this whole time but, he's incredibly cold. Severus, I do not know if he is alive."

The shattered woman was pointing to her Godson's deathly still hand, trembling at what could possibly be beneath the cloak.

"I cannot do it Severus. I am a coward; I cannot pull the cloak off of him. I am too afraid that he will not be there."

Severus knelt down in the sand next to the invisible adolescent, reaching an apprehensive hand up to where he guessed Harry's head would be. He pulled the cloak off of Harry's face exposing it to the darkness. Harry was motionless as the wind blew across his exposed skin, ruffling his raven hair and forcing it to cover his face; he looked corpse like in the shadows from the lit wand above. Severus laid his head down on Harry's invisible chest, pressing his ear hard against the boy listening for life.

'Thump Thump. Thump thump.'

Severus felt his head rise against Harry's chest as the boy inhaled and Severus exhaled with contentment.

"Minerva, Minerva he is alive."


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hello all. I apologize for the delay in posting this chapter. I had a very severe case of writers block and could not get my brain to work properly. But I hope the wait is worth it and you enjoy this as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

 **I am a diehard Dame Maggie Smith fan and thought it would be most appropriate to use a line from Hook in which she plays Wendy. Enjoy everyone and as ALWAYS your feedback, criticism and encouragement is welcomed.**

Chapter 8

The clapping of the ocean waves hitting upon the sandy beach seemed to fade from the world as Severus's words penetrated through Minerva's clouded mind.

"Why is he not moving then Severus?" Minerva placed a hand on her snake's shoulder to steady herself as the world spun around her. "If he is alive why did he not responded when I called his name?"

Severus was just as puzzled by this as her. Surly Harry would have heard Minerva screaming his name on the beach or when Woman's voice had boomed across the property calling for Severus's aide. The Ministry most likely had heard her so why not Harry? Severus looked at the young man wrapped so tightly in the cloak, Harry looked so empty.

"I do not know." Severus said softly.

Minerva's mind seemed to clear and she quickly placed her wand over Harry's head and began a diagnostic test, frustrated with herself that it had taken her mind this long to remember that she once was a Healer.

"No wonder he has not moved. He is beyond exhaustion, Severus. His body has shut its self-down, he is unconscious." Minerva moved the cloak away from her Godson continuing her test as she moved her wand over his chest. "He also has several broken ribs, his sternum is fractured but it is trying to heal and he has several bones that have healed themselves incorrectly after being broken."

"The broken ribs and sternum must be from the last beating his Uncle gave him that I saw in Harry's memory." Severus suggested.

Minerva shook her head as her test came to an end.

"He is also malnourished and severely underweight." Her eyes were heavy with guilt. "I should have known something was wrong. He has always been far too skinny."

Severus had removed his black cloak and was wrapping it around Harry, tucking it under his arms and legs to keep the wind from chilling him. He silently gathered the sleeping lion in his arms placing one behind the bow of the Gryffindor's knees and the other under his head and stood.

"This is not your fault Minerva. We all should have realized that Harry was being mistreated. But the one that is responsible for this is Albus."

Severus had to quickly look away. He knew that it was his own fault that harry was put with the Dursley's. It was Severus who was responsible for the way Harry's life had turned out. He looked down at the broken Harry that was sleeping in his arms. Severus remembered holding Harry that horrible night. He was screaming and the child had looked broken even back then. The same feelings came over him once more, he wanted to take away every bad memory and every ounce of pain the young man had ever felt. Severus wanted to fix him, to make him feel loved and protected, make him feel like he mattered.

"If only I had been quicker. If only I could have warned them sooner." Severus softly pulled the motionless body tighter to his chest. "If only I could fix you."

Minerva placed a comforting hand on Severus's shoulder and moved the hair from Harry's eyes. She had long suspected that Severus had come to care deeply for Harry over the last year. But now, as the misunderstood Slytherin held her Godson in his arms with so much care, as if Harry was the most valuable thing in the world to him, she knew that Severus had fallen for the beautiful boy with the stupid green eyes.

"Let us get him to the house Severus. We can levitate him; it is a long walk up the stairs after all." Her voice was light.

"No. I can carry him. He is not heavy Minerva." Severus was quick with his response almost as if he feared the fragile young man would be ripped from his arms.

Minerva smiled to herself as Severus's response reassured the earlier thought she had. She bent down to gather Harry's things in her arms and realized that something was missing.

"Where are his glasses?"

Minerva brushed the sand away from where Harry's other belongings had been, making sure they hadn't been covered up. She stood and softly shook the cloak; when nothing tumbled out from the material she walked to where Severus stood and patted the pockets of the young man's jeans. She let out an amused sigh when she recovered Harry's wand from his back pocket, shaking her head at him.

"Foolish Gryffindor, he is lucky I did not break it when I picked him up." Severus gave a small chuckle.

"His glasses are not in any of his pockets." Minerva withdrew her wand and pointed it to the sky. "Accio Harry Potter's glasses."

A soft plunk caused them to turn their heads towards the ocean, seconds later Minerva was holding the round spectacles in her hand as the ocean water dripped from the frames onto the sand. She looked to Severus who asked the same question as the one inside her head.

"How did those get out there?" He jerked his head towards the blanket of dark liquid as he spoke.

A heavy thump made them both jump and they looked towards the ledge above them. The guardians were peering down at them, their white stone bodies standing out against the darkness of the night. Spiritus was the first to call out to them, his voice was filled with a little too much concern for the well-being of the Dame's Godson as he saw Severus holding a motionless figure in his arms.

"Severus, where is he? Is that him in your arms? Is he alive my friend?"

Severus rolled his eyes at his old friend _._

' _Stupid lizard, you might as well just tell the world_.' Severus thought to himself as he and Minerva began to climb the stairs to the Manor.

The stone dragon's voice of concern was not so much for Harry, but more for Severus. Spiritus had seen how the old dungeon bat's eyes would come to life whenever Harry became the topic of conversation. Spiritus was concerned that if anything were to happen to Harry bloody Potter it would crush his human companion.

"Of course it's Potter. Who else would it be dunderheaded rock?" Severus narrowed his eyes at the dragon as he reached the top of the stairs. "He is alive. He fell asleep on the sand."

"Thank you for your help guardians. It has been a rather draining day for us and as you can see by Harry's state, we are all exhausted and will be retiring to our rooms for the rest of the night." Minerva said as she reached the back door and held it open for Severus, who quickly walked inside and up the stairs towards Harry's room. Minerva shut, warded the door, and followed.

Harry's bed linens still lay in a heap on the floor from their earlier search efforts and the contents of his trunk had been dumped out on to the bed when Minerva had taken extreme search efforts to locate him. With a flick of her wand, Minerva had Harry's property put away and the trunk moved to the closet. Severus gently laid Harry down onto the soft bedsheets, carefully pulling the black cloak out from under the young man's body. Minerva bent over Harry pulling his arm from his sleeve and finding it difficult to do without disturbing Harry too much. She sent a sharp look at Severus.

"What?"

"Help me." Minerva said.

The look on Severus face was as if he was a fish out of water. His mouth wordlessly moving up and down as he stood petrified.

"Severus, please. I want him comfortable."

The Slytherin said the only thing that could come to his mind.

"But I'm his professor."

"You were his professor, as was I. Now please help me get this shirt off." She demanded.

Severus shook the nerves from his hands the best he could before assisting her with lifting the upper half of Harry's body off the bed and pulling his shirt over his head. Minerva's eyes fell to the long white scar that ran half way down the middle of her Godson's back.

"What is this?"

Severus looked over Harry's shoulder to see the painful reminder of how bad Harry had been treated by his uncle.

"That is one of the many things his uncle did to him." Severus didn't realize he had reached out and touched the old wound. He traced his fingers down the scarred skin and looked to Minerva. "His uncle held him to the ground and placed a poker in the flames of the fire, when it became so hot that it was glowing with heat he pressed it to Harry's skin, all because he missed the dust on top of the T.V."

Minerva couldn't help but weep for her young lion cub.

"You saw this Severus? You saw this when you looked into his mind?"

"No. I saw the memory of when Harry showed Albus this scar and told him how he got it. Albus pulled Harry into his office at the end of his 5th year. He told Harry that mad-eye's death was his fault. Albus told Harry that he would not be staying with Sirius that summer, Harry was not aware that this had been the plan and Harry would be returning to the Dursley's." Severus laid Harry's head back onto his pillow, picking up his wrists to make sure that no fresh cuts had been made. "Albus then explained to Harry that he would be making you his second guardian because Sirius seemed to have a need for being a hero like Harry and would most likely get himself killed sooner than later. Harry asked if he could stay with you that summer and Albus told him that you would not want him and that he was too much trouble."

"He said what?" Minerva had shouted.

"Albus said that you would not want Harry-"

"I begged that coward to let me take Harry every summer since he was left at the Dursley's. I pleaded with him to let me have him the night Lily and James were killed. But no, he will be better off with family he said." Minerva transfigured the nightstand by Harry's bed into a large arm chair and sat. "Harry would be safe there he said. The coot left him on the damn porch step in the dead of night. I sat there till morning with him in my arms when his aunt opened the door. I had forgotten to transform and she was shocked to see someone sitting on the porch. Petunia remembered who I was from when I had brought Lily her letter all those years ago. When she noticed the child in my arms I saw part of her break as she realized what Harry being there meant. I told her if there were ever problems to contact me. I never heard anything from her."

Minerva's face was flushed and her breathing heavy as she looked at Severus.

"I also asked Albus for Harry Minerva."

Severus pointed his wand at Harry's jeans and they were replaced with pine green cotton pajama bottoms. Severus then pointed at the pile of bed lines and they zoomed through the air to the bed where they laid over Harry surrounding him with warmth and security.

"After Albus forced me to be his spy and I joined the Death Eaters. I learned of Voldemort's plan to kill him and his parents"

"Yes, you have told me this story a thousand times Sev. You never mentioned asking for Harry." Minerva asked in frustration.

"Well now, if I told you all my secrets that would have spoiled my image of hating him all these years." Severus gave a small smile.

"You do not hate him Severus." Minerva cooed.

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose in hopes that by dropping his head he hid the redness in his checks.

"As you know, I told Albus of Voldemort's plans and begged him to move the Potters. When I went to go and check on them I found them lying on the floor dead, what you don't know is that Harry was still there screaming in the crib. Yes I know, I lied and told you he was gone when I arrived." Severus looked nervously at Minerva. "I picked him up and cradled him in my arms trying to comfort him and make him feel like everything was ok."

Severus walked to the windows putting a hand on the cool glass leaning into its welcoming chill and looked out at the night.

"Sirius and Albus walked into the room, I placed Harry gently back in his crib, turned and lunged at Albus. I was so angry with him for letting this happen to them, for letting this happen to Harry, and for letting it happened to me. Sirius held me back and I was grateful in that moment that I had made amends with the Marauders and he calmed me down and held me fast so that I would not kill Albus. I realize now that I was not mad at Albus but mad at myself for letting this happen.

"Why did you keep these details from me Severus?" Minerva asked with a rather hurt look in her eyes.

"Because, I feel so damn guilty Minerva, if I would have gone and told Lily and James myself of what was to happen instead of wasting time telling Albus, they would have been alive." Severus looked at Harry who had rolled on to his side in his sleep. "Because I was not quick enough to tell Albus, Harry lost everything."

"Why would you belittle him at school Severus?" Minerva asked. "You were quick to protect him if ever he was in danger or if one of your snakes threatened him. But you caused him to hate you."

"That is what I wanted. I wanted him to hate me. I hate myself for his parent's death." Severus sat on the end of Harry's bed with head in his hands. "By causing him to hate me I somehow felt better."

"Severus, why did Sirius not take Harry that night?"

"Because he was on the run for supposedly killing Peter, Sirius tried though. Albus told him a life on the run was not the most ideal for Harry." Severus explained. "I told Albus that I would take him. I would raise him and keep him safe. Who would expect the boy who lived to be in the arms of a Death Eater? Sirius and I thought my plan was rather brilliant, Albus did not. He said I could not be trusted and I would hand Harry over to Voldemort's clan the moment he left the child with me."

"I really hate that man." Minerva folded her arms and kicked the bed frame and immediately regretted it as Harry gave a small jolt in his fortress of blankets. He was still asleep and they both breathed.

"Sirius and I both knew that Lily and James never trusted Peter enough to tell him where their location was and Sirius hated the little rat, Sirius did not even tell him when Harry was born, so why would he tell Peter where Lily and James were hiding. I wonder now if Albus told Peter where they were, knowing he would go to Voldemort." Severus now questioned everything the man had ever told him.

"You said that the day that bastard went to get Harry that, that his uncle almost killed him for something he can't control."

"That is correct." Severus said.

"Harry told me he was gay last year. He is rather confused and ashamed of who he is. It reminded me of when you told me you were gay." Minerva looked to Severus who refused to meet her eyes. "You two are more a like then you could possibly imagine."

Severus gave a small sighs from Harry's bed.

"I feel that I have caused too much damage to him that we could ever have a friendship Minerva." Severus lifted his head from his hands and looked longingly at the man who visited him in his dreams. He felt a small pain in his chest and buried his head once more in his hands.

"Tell him Severus. Tell him the truth. Merlin knows he's hardly heard any since being around that man." Minerva stood, kissed Harry on the forehead and walked around the bed to stand in front of Severus. She placed her hand on his head and stroked the soft hair upon it.

"You two need each other. You are the only one here that can understand the way he is feeling. I can be supportive, loving, companionate, and as motherly as possible, but I have never known the pain of depression or the hope for death to take me before my time is done." Minerva had placed a hand under Severus's chin and lifted his head so that he could look at her. "You need him just as much my snake. He can relate to you and help you heal old wounds. He may be young Severus, but he is walking down the same path as you are. You are just further ahead than he is. Turn around and go to him, guide him through this hell."

She kissed Severus softly on his forehead and Severus closed his eyes at the motherly love and compassion that flowed through him.

"I am going to my room. I imagine I not will sleep, but I don't want to suffocate Harry more than he already is. Are you going to stay in here or will you sleep in your room?"Minerva had a hand on the door knob looking from Severus to Harry and back to Severus.

"I will stay in the guest room next door. I like you, don't want to intrude on him anymore than I see fit. I will send my patronus if something happens. I will brew some dreamless sleep for him tomorrow. If we are so much alike as you say, then he is probably not sleeping. That way he can avoid his nightmares." Severus stood, followed Minerva out the door and closed it softly. He placed a charm on the door that would let him and Minerva know if Harry left the room.

"Thank you Severus. Goodnight."

"Good night Dame." Severus eyes held a small sparkle as he spoke. He knew Minerva hated being called that.

"Brat." She chuckled as she watched him disappear behind the door. "So you'll help Harry with his nightmares but not yourself?"

She pulled her wand from her sleeve and cast a similar charm on the older man's door. One that would let her know if Severus was having his hellish nightmares and if he had left his room in a state of sleep.

"Dear night-lights protect my sleeping babes. Burn clear and steadfast tonight." She whispered into the dark before ascending the staircase.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

It was the early morning hours in Scotland and a raging Albus Dumbledore had just finished destroying the last of his furniture when he felt exhaustion hit him.

He looked about his office seeing the damage he had done from his temper tantrum, shook his head at himself and with a flick of his wand the office was once again in order.

"Those fools have no idea what they have done. I have worked years to get to this point and in one single night they ruin everything." Albus was speaking to Fawkes who merely pretended to sleep.

Albus Dumbledore was a man of many colors. The old wizard played two roles in life. At times he was the powerful caring Headmaster of Hogwarts, but at other times he had been the most obedient and loyal Death Eater to the Dark Lord without Voldemort even knowing. It all started the year before Potter's birth.

"Damn!" He kicked the small trash can that was by his feet in the direction of the sleeping phoenix, which raised its head and gave him a rather murderous look.

"Do they not realize how much time I have invested in that boy, how much I have sacrificed?" Albus was drumming his fingers on the bookcase he had rested his arm on.

Albus felt his hand itch and as he looked down he saw the wrinkles fading from his body, the skin was becoming smooth and taunt.

"Looks like it's time for another toast." Albus's voice cracked.

He quickly walked to his cabinet where he kept the drink, realizing when he opened it, that the potion he needed was not there. Walking to his desk he opened the draw rummaging inside it looking for a vial. He swore loudly at the fact that he had let his potion supply go out. He swore even more when this meant he would have to start from scratch and would have to disappear for a month until the potion was finished. He glared in the direction of where his darkest secret was hidden and dreaded that he would have to face the cheerfulness in the room beyond.

Albus's beard had disappeared, his plated hair replaced with black curls and his sparkling blue eyes were now a deep cold empty soil color. He walked to the bookshelf where he waved his wand and a section moved away to reveal a passage. Lighting his wand, he quickly moved down the stone dark walkway, he could feel the last of the potion wearing off and he needed to start brewing immediately; but he could not start without the main ingredient.

The strange figure reached the entrance to where a secret had been hidden from the world for 19 years and pushed the heavy door, the old rusty hinges groaned as the door swung inward. The frail looking figure of an old man was sitting at a desk reading a book, his left ankle shackled to the floor and his right wrist was bounded with a silver band that drained him daily of his magic so that there was no escape.

"Good morning Ms. Lestrange. I assume you have come for more of my whiskers?"

Albus Dumbledore looked up from his book, peering over his half-moon spectacles at the doorway that framed his captor.

 **A/N: I don't not apologize for this very short chapter.**


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

"It's disgusting how cheerful you are Dumbledore." The crude shrill voice of Bellatrix Lestrange echoed off the walls of the small brick cell.

Albus Dumbledore softly chuckled to him self returning his gaze to his book as he turned its tattered page.

"You expect me to be miserable?"

Dumbledore asked.

"For someone who has not seen the light of day in 19 years, yes, I would expect you to be miserable." Bellatrix stomped across the cobble stone floor to the desk in the center of the room. "But you never have been like everyone else."

"Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if on-"

"If one simply remembers to turn on the light. Yes, yes, I've heard the same ruddy speech over and over again." Bellatrix interrupted.

Albus lifted his head and nodded towards the corner of his desk, where a pile of hair lay. Bellatrix scooped up the hair; tying a small ribbon around the bundle so no strands would be lost and shoved it into her pocket.

"Thank you for cooperating. It is easier than having to force you. All though I do find joy in torturing the most powerful wizard in the world, I do not have the strength for it today."

Albus's eyes narrowed with concern at Bellatrix statement.

"Has something happened?" Dumbledore asked

"Your bloody staff is what happened. Snape and McGonagall went and ruined everything tonight." Bellatrix was pacing the small room, her voice was angry and filled with hate. "They can't mind their damn business. 7 years I've been molding him and in one bloody night, they break everything that I built Potter up to be."

"And what exactly are you trying to make Harry be Ms. Lestrange?" Dumbledore closed his book, set it on the desk and leaned forward with curiosity.

"The boy has power I have never seen before, not even my Lord had this type of raw magic." Bellatrix said taking the seat across from Dumbledore. "He has so much potential to be stronger than Voldemort ever was. He has so much darkness and hate in him."

"Bellatrix, Harry is no longer a boy. He is a man. I can only imagine the things you have said to him or told him to get him to even listen to you. I'm sure the whole wizarding world thinks I'm pure evil." Albus sighed heavily and placed his head in his hands. "Why have you continued this lie? You said your self it wasn't suppose to have continued this long."

"It was only suppose to be till I convinced Snape to become a Death Eater. My Dark Lord had written his path long ago and Snape refused to follow it." Bellatrix looked up at her prisoner. "I've never really told you my reasoning for all of this have I?"

"No you have not. I never asked either."

"I guess after all this time I owe you an explanation." Bellatrix gave a small laugh and started to tell the old man everything that had led up to this point In time.

"As I said before my Dark Lord had written young Severus Snape's life out for him. Snape was to become a Death Eater by 17, be the Dark Lords personal Potion Master, be his most loyal and faithful servant." Bellatrix spat the last words with disgust. "But Your staff went and ruined it all by caring, especially that McGonagall. When she took guarding ship over him it caused Tobias to become furious. Tobias went after McGonagall and Severus one year and got himself caught and thrown in Azkaban. The Dark Lord knew he would not be able to get to Severus as long as he was still in Hogwarts, protected by wards and teachers. So we waited till he left the protection of the school. The Dark Lord himself approached him and failed to get him to follow the dark path that awaited him. He said that you, the great Albus Dumbledore, had offered him a job."

"Why not just kill him if he was causing so many problems. I've never known Tom to be lenient to those that disobeyed him?" Albus asked

"I asked him that, he never said why. He told me to mind my own." Bellatrix snarled.

"That must have made you upset?"

"What's it to you?" Bellatrix scoffed. "Can I get on with this now or are you going to continue to pry into my life?"

Albus nodded for her to proceed.

"After my Lord returned from his encounter with Snape, I knew we would never get to him with your influence around him all the time. So I formed a plan, a plan that my Lord didn't even know about., a plan to become you, to present an idea to Severus to become a spy for you. But first I had to get the real you out of the way." Bellatrix looked to Dumbledore. "You really should be more cautious when you accept sweets Dumbledore. I knew you would accept them if someone you trusted brought them to you."

"I never thought that Remus would be foolish enough to let his hair lye around and I was even more foolish to not realize it was a full moon and he would be in hiding. You are smarter than Tom gave you credit for Ms. Lestrange." Dumbledore gave her a small smile. "Pretending to be Remus, bringing me my favorite sweets laced with a sleeping draft."

"Yes, I am a bit of a genius. Thank you for noticing. Are you through with your interruptions?" Bellatrix asked

"I am sorry. Please continue."

"After I locked you away in here and placed the bracelet on your wrist so there was no way for you to escape, I started my plan. It took me only a few months to convince Snape to become a spy for the order. How could he ever question your motives? Once my plan had been completed, I was going to go back to my normal evil life, but I did not know what to do with you. So I continued to be you. I also needed Snape to be completely engulfed in the darkness, Become a true Death Eater. Not just a spy. I saw the first glimpse of loyalty when Snape went to The Dark Lord first when he heard the Prophecy, not Albus Dumbledore. He only came to Dumbledore next, after the Dark Lord chose the Potters to fill that prophecy. Begging and pleading for me to hide them. So I hid them. I had to keep up the loving caring image of Albus Dumbledore, but I let it slip to Peter where they would be. I knew he would tell our Lord. I couldn't let the prophecy come true, but then the Dark Lord had to get himself blown up. I went to the Potters that night, as Dumbledore, to take the boy and lock him away. My Dark Lord had only discussed with his most loyal Death Eaters the Horcruxes he had made. But when I arrived, Black was running down the street towards the house and I could already see Severus inside. They both begged me for the boy, but I couldn't let him go with them. Snape would ruin him and Black was to far on the light side. So I said he would go with his relatives. I didn't even know if the boy had relatives, I was just talking shit at that point. Snape said I couldn't send him there. He said that Lily's sister was a kind woman but her husband was a fat short tempered man. And In that instant I knew that's where the little brat should go so he could be punished for killing my love." Bellatrix eyes widened at her last words. "My Lord, He could be punished for killing my Lord."

Albus nodded for her to continue.

"I couldn't stop being you after all this. I had to make sure that Potter lived long enough for our Lord to return. So I continued my lie." Bellatrix spoke softly.

"So why continue as me once he did return?" Albus asked

"Because, because I began to like being in the spotlight instead of my Dark Lords shadow. I liked being Albus Dumbledore; I liked the entire wizarding world looking at me for direction. But when my Dark Lord sent out the orders for Draco to kill you, I had to tell him what I had been doing for him. I thought he would be so proud, be honored, would thank me, possibly even love me. Instead he showed no gratitude, only calling me a fool and for ruining him. So In anger I told him Snape was a spy, of course he forgot all about killing Dumbledore and went after Snape. I vowed that day that if he could not except me and love me, then he would fall by my hand. So I trained Potter, was a little nicer to him as Dumbledore, told Potter my Lords weaknesses, I told potter about his horcruxes, I told him of the prophecy." Bellatrix took a slow breath.

"Why is that?" Dumbledore asked

"Because Potter needed to know that he would have to kill Voldemort and only he could do it. So when he finally did and the war was over I was at a loss of what to do. I couldn't return to my life before, I was being hunted and I had no Master to follow. But then I looked at Potter and saw the broken man that he was, saw the power he had and knew that he could be the Dark Lord we needed. So I was going to have him rise from the ashes. Become the most powerful Dark Wizard the world could ever see. But Snape and McGonagall ruined that last night."

"How did th-" Albus was interrupted by the groan of the rusty hinge door.

"Albus?" Remus Lupin asked

"Bloody hell, I forgot to shut the passage!" Bellatrix screamed as Sirius Blacks face appeared over his lovers shoulder.

"What the bloody hell are you doing here? Albus, what's going on?" Sirius asked.

"Stupefy!"

"Incarcerous!"

The room filled with a red-bluish glow as the two spells rushed towards their intended target.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

Through the darkness in Harry Potter's room, emerald green eyes stared at the shadows that danced across his ceiling. Harry lay in the soft sheets trying to keep his mind from shorting out as it processed what he had heard. Harry hadn't been sure what had awoken him and he was at a loss as to how he got to the bed that he now occupied, but all those questions had faded when he had heard the Potion Master speak about Sirius and his parents. Harry remembered gritting his teeth as Minerva had questioned Snape about the memory he saw of the day Harry was almost killed by his Uncle. He didn't want his Godmother to know about that incident but more importantly he had not wanted Snape to know he was gay, but Snape already knew from seeing the memory of that day.

Harry felt that it had been days since he had heard his bedroom door shut as Minerva and Severus had left his room, but it had only been an hour or so and it had been a short time before their departure that Harry had been jolted awake. He had found himself in the middle of a private conversation between Minerva and Severus. Harry repeated the words he had heard his Godmother speak to Severus in his head over again, Severus and Minerva never realized that Harry had awoken.

"Snape is gay?" Harry breathed out into the night.

He sat up in his bed, bringing his knees to his chest and looked out the window. He remembered the hurt in Snape's voice when the old Slytherin thought he had ruined any chance of a friendship with Harry. It had taken everything in Harry not to pop up at that moment and throw his arms around the older man, to comfort him, to tell him that he would be Snape's friend.

Harry ran a hand through his hair and let out a great sigh. How long had it been that Harry had dreamed of Snape wanting a friendship? Harry had noticed a change in their relationship after he saved Snape's life but he had always convinced himself that they could never be friends. The hope that a friendship could be formed sent a warm feeling through Harry. He had wanted to confess his feeling for the old Slytherin for some time now, but was afraid of the older man being disgusted by the notion. Harry didn't care if friendship was the only thing that he and Snape would ever have, as long as he had the Slytherin in his life that's all that mattered. Harry knew that Snape could never love him.

"Who could love this?" Harry motioned his hand towards himself. "I'm going to be alone for the rest of my miserable pathetic life. No one is going to want to be with Harry. They all just want to be with Harry Potter."

Harry wiped a tear from his cheek as the thought of being alone for the rest of his life slowly ate at him. The words that Snape had spoken earlier that night, in his room at Hogwarts rushed in to Harry's mind. Snape said that he and Minerva liked Harry for being his own person. Snape said that Harry could be just Harry with him. A small fire of hope lit inside Harry's heart. Maybe Snape does care, maybe he could like me. Harry glanced at the scars on his wrists and the Fire extinguished. No one could be attracted to a freak. No one could love him, not even a dungeon bat. Harry suddenly realized that he was sobbing loudly and buried his face in his pillow. He knew that Snape was just next door and the last thing he wanted was his crush to come pity him some more. Harry let his tears soak through the thin pillow case, the damp fabric now stuck to his face as he tried to turn his head so he could breathe. Suddenly long thin fingers grasped his shoulder and Harry let out a scream in surprise.

"If you wake Minerva you will get us both grounded."

The Potion Masters hot breath in Harry's ear sent a shudder through his body. His heart started to race more with the thought of the hand of the man now resting on his shoulder.

"I heard you crying. I wanted to make sure you were ok. Is there anything I can do for you Harry?"

Harry started to cry again at the compassion that Snape was showing him. Harry then started to sob uncontrollably at the realization that he could not and would not ever have Severus Snape.

Harry felt himself being pulled into strong muscular arms, his head resting against a beating heart that was racing faster than his own. Harry nuzzled his face into the older man's chest and tried to calm himself. Snape would kill him if he left snot on his clothing. Snape pulled Harry closer to him holding him tighter. Harry felt Snape rest his cheek on top of his head.

"You are not alone Harry, I have you. You are safe here with me. I promise." Severus spoke softly and squeezed Harry just a little tighter.

Harry's walls came crashing down at Snape's words. Harry cried himself to sleep in the arms of the man he would never have.

Harry could feel the heat of the sun's rays through his eyelids as he lay in his bed. He reached out, eyes still shut tightly against the Sunlight, to close the curtains around his bed. Harry grasped nothing but air, he furiously searched for the curtains waving his arm back in forth, refusing to open his eyes, hoping to feel the soft material, but there was none. He frowned knowing that he always put the curtains in the same place when he drew them back in the mornings. Harry pulled the covers over his head to burrow himself in darkness once more. The sheets were soft and cool on his skin; their scent was different from their normal Hogwarts smell. Harry's eyes opened quickly as the memories of yesterday started to penetrate his sleepy mind. Harry's eyes widened as the memory of Snape cradling him in his arms came swiftly to the forefront of his mind. The raven haired man slowly pulled his head from the pile of blankets he had burrowed himself in. He squinted against the sun light. When his eyes finally adjusted, a sight that Harry thought he would never see laid before him. Severus Snape was sitting in a chair next to the wall of windows, reading a book. He had one hand resting on his knee and the other grasped a mug that held a hot beverage, Harry could see the steam billowing from the top. Harry was shocked to see Snape wearing reading glasses, but it was another thing to add to Harry's list of things that made Severus Snape attractive. Harry frowned at his thought as the pain of not being with Snape bubbled to the surface.

'Human emotions are horrible.' Harry thought to himself.

Harry watched as Snape tucked the one strand of gray hair back behind his ear. Harry looked away from the man and pulled his head back down into his pile of blankets hiding the redness that crept over his face. Harry was hurting. His heart was breaking for someone he had never had and never would, he hurt for the self-loathing he had for himself, and he hurt more because he knew he could never love anyone because Harry could never love himself. Harry was angry at himself for all the lies and all the hurt he had caused in people's life. Harry needed to release this feeling. It was too much. He needed it to go away and he only knew one way to do that.

Harry felt a ping of guilt at that thought. He had promised he would not cut and would seek out Snape or his Godmother if and when his urges came. Harry poked his head out once again, looking at the man that was absorbed in his book.

"Professor?" Harry said softly

The man didn't budge.

"Snape?" Harry said a little louder.

The man turned a page in his book, not hearing Harry's plea.

'See he doesn't care. He's only here for chocolate frog points.' Harry told himself.

The urge to cut was growing stronger and tears were burning Harry's eyes.

"Severus, please." Harry didn't even realize he had spoken.

Severus's head rose quickly at the sound of his given name being spoken. He saw Harry wrapped in his blankets with part of them acting almost as a hood for the head of the young man. Severus saw the fear in Harry's eyes and quickly dropped his book, placed his coffee on the window sill and pulled himself from his chair, never taking his eyes off Harry's.

"Were you ignoring me?" Harry asked breaking their eye contact.

"Did you call out to me more than once?" Severus sat on the edge of Harry's bed and took in the man before him.

"It doesn't matter." Harry pulled the make shift hood over his face to hide the tears that were now falling.

"It matters Harry. I am sorry I did not hear you the first time." Severus pulled the blanket from Harry's face. "What is wrong?"

"Nothing, it's fine. Go back to reading your damn book. I'm sorry I bothered you." Harry looked slowly into the older man's eyes and regretted it instantly when he felt Snape's presents in his mind.

Damn failed Occlumency.

"Harry I am so sorry. I honestly did not hear you till you called me by my given name." Severus was kicking himself. The first time Harry had reached out to him because he felt like cutting and Severus had missed his pleads twice before hearing his name spoken.

"Do you want to talk?" Severus asked. "I am proud of you for seeking me instead of going straight for a knife. I know how hard that is."

"No you don't. You have no idea." Harry glared at the man.

"I know how it feels to have the blade of a smooth sharp knife cut into your flesh; to watch as the blood flows from the cut you can feel the rush of the emotions that you held inside pool out into the red liquid. I know how it feels to cause yourself pain just so you can feel something so that you know you are alive. I know what it feels like to have the cuts and scars on your body a reminder of the control you lack over your own life. I know how it feels to have self-mutilation be your only comfort and your only friend. I know more than you think Potter." Severus took a breathe

Harry glanced quickly to Snape's wrist looking for any sign of the older man's words. But Harry saw no scars. Harry looked to his own wrists and realized that some of his older shallow scars had vanished.

Harry looked at Snape in disbelief.

"I became sick and tired of the pain and guilt I felt whenever I looked at myself, so I made a potion to help fade my demons. I applied the salve to some of your more faded scars on your wrists and I also applied a large amount to the scar on your back." Severus explained. "You do not need to be reminded of your pain 23 years from now Harry. Like Minerva said last night. We are more alike than we realize."

"You knew I was awake?" Harry asked

"Not until I felt your foot nudge against me and it continued to caress me when I confessed that I feared I had damaged any chance of us forming a friendship." Severus said raising his eyebrow

Harry let out a groan and buried his head back into his den of blankets. How could he be so stupid? He was sure Snape had most likely shuddered in disgust at Harry's absent minded attempt to comfort him.

"Are you hungry Harry? Dobby has made some rather delightful looking German pancakes and I would hate to let my raspberry syrup go to waste. I do rather love raspberries." Severus smiled sadly.

His confession for the love of raspberries reminded him of something Albus would have said. The old kind Albus that Severus had known when he had gone to school. Albus hadn't been the same for almost 20 years. Severus always thought that the prophecy and keeping Harry safe had somehow broken the old man's kind soul.

"Professor, are you ok?" Harry's voice was laced with concern.

"It seems strange hearing you call me professor. Call me Severus please."

Harry grinned.

"Only if you call me Harry from now on."

"Deal, Potter." Severus said.

Harry frowned

"Oh come now, I was only joking. I may be a dungeon bat but I still have a sense of humor Harry."

"You knew that we use to call you that?" Harry asked nervously dropping his head.

"Harry, I have been called that for years. The golden trio was not the first to give me the nickname." Severus explained.

"Hermione never called you that. She always got really upset at Ron and I when we did." Harry looked up at Severus. "I'm sorry I called you that. And I'm sorry for calling you other things as well."

"Thank you for the apology Harry. I am sorry for the way that I treated you over the last seven years. I know I was horrible towards you and your friends. If it helps any, I never took pleasure in my actions."

Severus placed an arm around Harry's shoulder and gave him a slight squeeze.

"Harry, how much did you hear last night?"

"You started talking about Sirius and my parents and how Sirius didn't trust Peter. I'm not sure what woke me but, yeah, that's what you were saying." Harry stated.

"It would seem Albus has gotten under Minerva's skin. She kicked your bed frame in anger forgetting that you were in it." Severus chuckled.

Severus suddenly stopped as a sickening feeling over took him. If Harry had awoken during the conversation about Sirius and Peter, then Harry heard Minerva's comment of how Harry had told her that he was gay and that the situation had reminded Minerva of when Severus had come out to her. Severus groaned inside.

"You heard the conversation of Minerva telling me about you coming out to her?"

Harry gave a slight nod of his head.

"So you heard Minerva say that your situation reminded her of when I told Minerva I was gay?" Severus asked nervously.

Harry wasn't sure what to say. He could lie and say no or say he fell back asleep. Harry took a shaky breathe.

"Yes, I heard her say that. I didn't want you to know I was gay. But after you saw my memory I guess you already knew huh?" Harry stated.

"Yes, I did. Does Albus know?" Severus wondered.

"No. Hell no. That man would use it against me. He already has enough against me, he doesn't need more ammunition."

"He did not always use to be like this Harry. He was once a kind gentleman. He was like a grandfather to me when I was in school. But he changed, the year before you were born actually. His personality and his mind changed."

Severus' heart ached at the memory of the kind old man he once knew. Where had that Albus gone?

"I don't think of you differently."

"What?" Severus asked.

"I said I don't think of you any different of how I thought of you before I knew you were gay." Harry repeated.

"So you still hate me. I am glad to know all is normal." Severus stood to leave.

"That's not what I meant." Harry quickly unearthed himself from his pillow den to grab Severus' hand. "I haven't hated you for years."

Harry gave a hard tug and Severus sat back down on Harry's bed.

"Yeah you annoyed the hell out of me and you pissed me off, but I haven't hated you since my 5th year." Harry admitted.

"What changed in 5th year to make you not hate me?" Severus was puzzled. "I was horrible to you that year with Occlumency."

"You saw my hand that first night of detention with Umbridge. I saw you looking at it. Then I ran into you after my fourth detention with that toad. Your eyes went straight to my hand. You saw the blood. After that night all my detention where with you, I know you had something to do with that" Harry looked up at Severus. "It made me realize that you couldn't hate me if you were willing to sacrifice your nights with me, just so I wouldn't have to be injured further. Thank you."

"How were you able to keep the memories of your abuse and isolation away from me?"

"I honestly forgot about stuff like that till after the little rescue mission at the ministry. It's like I had blocked them from my memory until Dumbledore said that no one could hurt me at the Dursley's." Harry's voice had an alarming amount of anger in it. "Uncle Vernon hadn't laid a hand on me since the fire poker incident and I had been 12. So I hadn't been punished since then. But once Dumbledore said no one could hurt me there, all the abusive memories came rushing back it was like my mind opened and released them just to say, yea you can be hurt there he has hurt you."

"So your next beating was not until that manatee found out about your sexuality?" Severus was as upset as Harry.

"No. After the memories all came back that day, I went back there for the summer and I was so angry as soon as I walked through the door I punched my uncle in the face. My Aunt looked horrified at what I had done. I don't think it was because I hit him. I think it's because she knew what would happen to me after he came too. Dudley looked proud though." Harry smiled to himself at the memory of Dudley's face.

"That man is horrible. Does he hit his wife and son as well?"

"I never saw him lay a hand on them. I was always the one he hit. I worry now that I've left that he takes hit out on them. My aunt is a good woman." Harry gave a small sniff.

"I knew your Aunt when she was young you know? Lily, her and I use to play on the muggle playground together." Severus placed a hand on Harry's shoulder. "Come let us go eat. Dobby will probably go insane if you do not come down and eat his pancakes and I know Minerva will want to see you."

"Ok. Let me get a shirt on." Harry slid from the bed.

"Harry?"

"Yes Severus?"

"If it would bring you comfort, I could go and check on your Aunt and cousin's welfare?" Severus proclaimed.

"You would do that for me?" Harry asked in disbelief.

"Of course." Severus said walking out the door and pulling it shut.

"I would do anything for you idiot." There was no hate or harshness in Severus' voice. His tone was only affection towards the young Gryffindor.


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: sorry It has taken so long to get this posted. I struggled with this chapter. Hope you enjoy it as much as I enjoyed writing it.**

Chapter 12

Harry seemed to float into the kitchen that morning, by the smell of Dobby's German pancakes. Minerva had already finished eating but was sitting at the table reading a muggle newspaper. The sliding screen door behind her gave access to where Severus was sitting in a lounge chair on the deck reading the book from earlier that morning. Harry walked to Minerva placing his hand on her shoulder, a soft kiss on the top of her head and took the seat to the left of her. Dobby rushed over and placed a plate containing the fluffy breakfast in front of Harry and stepped back.

"Dobby is sorry master Harry Potter." The house elf sobbed as he ringed his own ears.

Harry reached out to his friend, grabbing his wrists and pulling them away to keep the elf from hurting himself.

"Dobby, you know I hate it when you hurt yourself." Harry felt a ping of guilt for scolding the elf for something that Harry himself did. "Why are you apologizing?"

"Dobby did not protect Harry Potter. Harry Potter left last night without Dobby. Dobby lost Harry Potter. Dobby failed Harry Potter." The small elf explained through sobs.

"You could never fail me Dobby." Harry whispered so that only the small creature could hear him.

"Dobby is sorry Master Harry Potter. But, Harry Potter did scare Dobby. Dobby was worried he might not see Harry Potter again." The elf lunged himself at Harry and wrapped his arms around the Wizards neck.

"Dobby you have done nothing wrong my friend." Harry wrapped his arms around the small elf and held him gently.

Harry held Dobby till the elf calmed down. Dobby and Harry shared one last squeeze before Dobby jumped to the floor, made his way to the sink and continued to wash the dishes. Harry turned back to his Godmother who was staring at him with a look of irritation and relief.

"What?" Harry asked.

"You scared all of us last night." Minerva said looking back down to her paper.

"How?" Harry asked picking up the syrup in front of him, then remembering what Severus had said that morning about raspberries

"Severus?" Harry shouted

"What?" Severus bellowed from the deck.

"Could I try some of your raspberry syrup?"

Severus gave a small smirk and stood from his seat. He walked inside to the pantry and grabbed the syrup. Walking back to the table he placed the sticky goodness in front of Harry. Severus let his hand pass over Harry's shoulders as he walked past to continue reading his book out in the fresh air.

"We did not know where you were. We searched everywhere for you. If I hadn't tripped over you on the beach, I hate to think how long it would have taken to find you." Minerva folded her paper and looked up at her Godson and noticed his confused expression.

"Why in the name of Merlin would you wrap yourself up in the invisibility cloak? Did you honestly not want to be found Harry?" Minerva questioned.

"I- I didn't realize I was in the cloak. I took a swim in the water I accioed for my cloak. It must have been that one that I retrieved." Harry said.

"Is that how your glasses got in the ocean? I could not find them. So I called for them and they flew out of the ocean." Minerva raised her eyebrow.

Harry thought back on last night. He couldn't remember if he took his glasses off or not, then again he couldn't even remember if he had walked up to the house to his room to go to sleep.

"I'm sorry I scared you. I didn't think you were going to come. I figured you would just know where I was and leave it at that." Harry replied while putting a healthy amount of raspberry syrup on his pancake.

"Are you that moronic potter?" Severus yelled from the deck. "You honestly thought we would just let you be after everything that happened yesterday?"

Harry's heart gave a small twinge at the sound of his last name coming from Severus lips. He dropped his head and slowly started to nibble on his pancake, he didn't feel hungry anymore.

Minerva watched as her Godsons face contorted in pain before he dropped his head. She turned in her chair to glare at Severus for his hurtful words towards Harry.

Severus looked up as he felt the burning eyes of the older witch on him. Severus knew that he had a brilliant death glare that he was proud to throw at his students when they deserved it. But hell has no fury like Minerva's glare. Minerva nodded her head towards Harry and Severus realized his mistake. He grumbled to himself at the idiotic comment he had made and quickly went to sit next to Harry.

"Harry?" Severus slowly sat next to the man who now had his arms on the table and his head buried in them.

"Harry, I'm sorry. I did not mean to call you a moron. But, for you to think that we would not come to you when you needed us is foolish. We will always come to you. We will always be here." Severus placed a hand on Harry's head.

Harry turned his head to look at Severus. His emerald eyes were on the verge of tears behind the black wire frames.

"Honestly, it hurt more that you called me Potter than you calling me a moron." Harry blushed and buried his head back into his arms. "Please forget I said that."

Severus was just as shocked by Harry's confession as the young man was. Severus masked his emotions quickly.

"Well when you make a Potter comment what else am I supposed to call you?" Severus whispered into the young man's ear. "Now eat before Minerva starts feeding it to you." Severus gave Harry a small chuckle.

"I'm not hungry." Harry pushed the plate farther away.

"Fine, that means more for me." Severus picked the plate up and walked outside.

"I am glad to see that you two are finally getting along." Minerva smiled.

Harry couldn't help but watch the Potion Master glide out of the room. Minerva watched as her Godson studied every step that Severus Snape took. Harry seemed to be memorizing everything the older man did. She realized then that Harry had possibly grown to care for Severus too.

"Minerva?" Harry called out.

"Yes love?"

"Can I talk to you, in private?

"Of course, we can go to my room."

Harry jumped to his feet and walked out the door.

Minerva smiled and followed Harry to the stairs, looking back at Severus who wore a curious look upon his face.

Harry walked in to Minerva's room behind her and collapsed on the bed.

"What's wrong Harry?" Minerva asked while taking a seat next to the boy.

"Why do I feel so unloved?" Harry's voice cracked as the emotions in his throat threatened to escape.

"Do you believe that you are unloved?"

"I know you love me. But that's it. I feel like everyone else is in my life because they want to be the friend of Harry Potter, or go out with Harry Potter, or that they are kind to me because they think they owe me something." Harry slid from Minerva's bed and onto the floor.

"How did I get back to my room last night?" Harry asked leaning against Minerva's bed.

"Severus carried you."

"He did?"

"He really does care for you Harry. More than you realize." Minerva was running her fingers through Harry's hair, massaging his head and trying to sooth any aches he may be having.

"He heard me crying last night and came into my room. He held me while I cried. He was so gentle and so kind." Harry's heart sped up at the thought of lying in Severus arms last night, feeling safe and cared for.

"He told me this morning. He is worried about you." Minerva could see the flushed cheeks on Harry's face.

"Can I tell you something Gram?" Harry tilted his head back so that he was looking up at his godmother. He had only called her Gram once before and that was when he had told her he was gay.

"Always." Minerva said as her heart filled with joy at the sound of Gram coming from Harry.

"When I was hiding with Hermione and Ron in the shrieking shack and we heard Voldemort torturing Severus, I knew that I needed to go to him. I could hear Severus screaming as every dark curse hit his body. I started running not caring if Death Eaters lined the walls. Then I saw Severus in the middle of the room, beaten broken and bloody; Voldemort was just standing over him. I could tell Severus was close to death his breathing was so shallow, I was so scared that he was going to die. Then I was angry, really angry. How dare someone touch him and threaten his life." Harry stood up and began to pace the room." Then I saw Voldemort raise his wand and I ran. I tackled the bastard and just started punching him. I blacked out. I don't remember what I did. I just remember suddenly being at Severus' side holding him, trying to keep him still. Ron told me later that I just kept hitting Voldemort till he was unconscious." Harry smiled at his Godmother.

"Hermione rushed to me with a potion and I held Severus' head so that she could bring it to his lips. Severus looked up at me and I will never forget the look in his eyes they had the look of fear and the look of anger. But there was also a look of regret. I told him he would not die. Not tonight not here, not by Voldemort. I could hear Voldemort waking; he laughed at me and taunted me. He said that I was protecting a Death Eater, a spy, a traitor. Voldemort said that Severus had the dark mark and would forever be branded. I was angry; I turned to Ron and Hermione and pleaded with them to get him to the hospital. I knew the wards would let them through if they apparated. Before they left Severus reached out for me and grabbed my arm. He said "don't you dare leave me Harry Potter. Not like this." I promised him I would go to him as soon as this was done. Ron and Hermione left and I turned to Voldemort. You know what I told him?"

Minerva had never asked Harry about that day. Never asked how he managed to face the man who had caused so much damage in his young life.

"What did you tell him Harry?" Minerva asked.

"I told him that that night would be his last. The look on Voldemort's face showed his fear. I told him he would never touch Severus again. He would never cause pain or destruction in my life again. Then he was gone before I could even get a curse off." Harry looked up at his Godmother. "Then we all know the rest of the story. Voldemort called out to me. He told me to come face him. I went into the forest I faced my death, I died and then I killed him. But, the part of the story no one knows is, that I sat with Severus while he recovered in the hospital wing. He was different with me when no one was around. He was kind and he never insulted me or said mean things. I think he feels as if he owes me for saving him."

"Why would you think that Severus is being kind to you because he owes you?" Minerva felt she already knew the answer.

"Dumbledore said it."

"I hate that man" Minerva huffed.

Minerva looked to the doorway. Not sure what had caught her eye.

"Do you think that he likes me for the real me, not who I am to the world? Because I-I see- I mean-." Harry paused and took a shaky breath.

"What is it Harry?" Minerva pulled Harry into her arms and held him.

"I'm really screwed up Gram." Harry cried into Minerva's chest.

"No my love you are not. You are not screwed up; you are not broken nor are you damaged. You are just a little lost right now my Harry. But please believe me when I say this." She pulled her Godsons face up so that she could look into his eyes. "I will never stop loving you. I will love you as much as I do now and I will love you more and more every day. But I swear. I will never love you less. It doesn't matter what you do. I will always love you."

"Even if I were to have feelings for an old dungeon ba-." Harry pulled away from his Godmother. Harry was angry with himself for even having the feelings for the older man, but to say it out loud mortified him. "I'm sorry. Please don't tell him. I know it's wrong. Please, I'm sorry."

Minerva grabbed Harry before he could leave and pulled him into a firmer hug.

"Now you listen to me Harry James. I will never see you differently or love you differently, even if you have feelings for him. Harry it's not wrong. You cannot help who your heart beats for." She rocked him back and forth in her arms. "Is this what has had you so upset, this tiny thing?"

"It's not tiny Gram. It makes me feel like I'm disgusting, like I'm some weirdo. I mean I like men, then add that I like older men and then on top of all that I like a man that use to be my Professor, a person can't get more disgusting than that."

"There is nothing wrong with liking someone who is older than you Harry. I actually cannot see you dating someone your own age. You have gone through so much in your young life. You have an old soul my love. It does not surprise me that you find comfort in Severus. He has had the same life as you. He has known the troubles you have gone through. Severus' life was not easy. He was abused by his father, chased by a mad man, used as bait by the headmaster. He has faced demons that only you can understand Harry." Minerva said.

She looked at Severus standing in the doorway and gave him a look that told the older man that she knew the feelings Severus had for her Godson.

"If there is anyone in this world that I trusted your heart to it would be Severus Snape." She said giving the man in the doorway her approval.

"It's not like he feels the same Gram."

"Have you asked?" The velvet smooth voice of Severus came from behind Harry.

Harry's head whipped around to look at the man that had spoken.

"How long have you been standing there?" Harry asked nervously.

"It is like Minerva said last night Harry. We are more alike than we realize." Severus said simply.

"Harry have you seen the gardens?"

Harry shook his head.

"Severus, do you want to show Harry the gardens?"

"I thought you would never ask Minerva." Severus smiled. "Come, Spiritus will be thrilled to meet you."

Severus walked over to Harry putting an arm around his shoulder and leading him out the door.


	13. Chapter 13

**AN; This chapter took a lot of brain power to write. I know it is not as good as my other chapters but I spent a lot of time trying to get my mind to come out on paper. feedback is always welcom**

Chapter 13

Bellatrix's body hit the stone ceiling with a sickening crack as Remus's and Sirius's spells hit her in the chest. The former Death Eater now lay unconscious and bound by ropes.

"Hello boys." Albus said staring at Remus and Sirius.

"Albus?" Remus asked questionably. "Albus is that you?"

"Yes my Remus. Come help an old man to his feet. Remus, could you take this chain off my foot? I am rather sick of feeling like an animal."

Remus hesitated for a moment, looking at the slump, tied up, unconscious figure of Bellatrix and then looking back to Albus.

"Albus what is going on? Why is she here?" Sirius asked pointing at Bellatrix. "Why do you look so weak? You looked fine last night."

"Be quiet love." Remus said putting a hand on his husbands shoulder. "Let him speak."

"I must ask you to be patient my dear boys. I need Ms. Bellatrix to be awake so that she can tell you the story." Albus looked at the chain that was still bound around his ankle.

"Remus, could you please?" Albus asked again pointing to the chain.

Remus walked towards the Headmaster, the werewolf had not seen this side of Albus in 19 years. He always thought something was wrong or rather smelled that something was wrong. But the old man was his old self again, kind and gentle. Remus pointed his wand at the chain and with a wordless spell it fell from Albus's foot with a clank of freedom.

"Thank you Remus."

"Did you just thank him?" Sirius asked staring up at the man. "You haven't said thank you to anyone in years Albus."

Albus's heart filled with sorrow at Sirius's words. It seemed Bellatrix had played Albus well the last 19 years that even his two best remaining order members had not suspected her. But, within the last few years, it seemed Bellatrix had lost her touch and failed to keep up with the kind, gentle personality of Albus Dumbledore.

"I am sorry my friends. I am sorry for whatever mad, evil, insane, inhuman thing, that Bellatrix made you believe that I was. You see she has held me here in captivity for 19 years. She has been using polyjuice and acting as me." Albus walked on shaky legs over to Bellatrix who was now starting to wake.

Albus reached down and pulled a silver banded bracelet that was identical to the one he was wearing, off Bellatrix's wrist. The bracelet that Albus wore had drained him of his magic and transferred it to Bellatrix's bracelet and had stored Albus's Magic. Albus slipped the Magic filled bracelet on his wrist and felt the instant warmth of his magic returning to him. He no longer looked frail and sick. Albus cheeks now flushed with color, his blue eyes sparkled brightly and he felt stronger than he had been in the last 19 years. Albus bent down, picked up his wand, and turned back to the confused young order members that were staring at him.

"This is a joke right?" Sirius hissed. "We would have known! We would have been able to tell if someone was playing you."

"This day has really gone to shit." Bellatrix said as the feeling of defeat closed in on her.

"Sirius, could you please bring me a bottle of Veritaserum from the cabinet in my office. It should be in the cherry oak one by my desk, unless Ms. Lestrange reorganized my belongings." Albus asked.

"I didn't."

Sirius looked to Remus who gave a nod of approval and rushed out the door of the stone passage way. Remus and Albus sat in silence until Sirius returned moments later

"Here." Sirius said handing the bottle to Remus. "Give it to both of them. I can't. I might lose my temper and kick her." Sirius cast a glare at Bellatrix who was cackling on the floor.

"Still not over me trying to kill you at the ministry cousin?"

"Shut it." Sirius yelled.

"Both of you shut it." Remus said walking over to Albus and placing a few drops in his mouth. "What is your name?"

"Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore."

"When I was a student here, where would I go and hide when there was a full moon?" Remus asked knowing only the faculty, the Marauders and Severus knew this answer.

"The shrieking shack." Albus answered.

"How long have you been in this room?" Sirius popped up.

"19 years." Albus whispered.

Sirius yanked the bottle from his husband's hands, walked to Bellatrix, forced her mouth open, and poured the remaining contents of the potion down her throat.

"What did you do to him?" Sirius's voice was lethal.

"I kidnapped him." Bellatrix stated.

"How did you get here?" Remus asked her.

Bellatrix retold them the story of her great achievement as Dumbledore, the betrayal of Voldemort and his lack of praise towards her. She told them everything she had done as Albus over the last 19 years. How she belittled Harry and planned to teach him to be the new dark lord.

"But at the ministry, when you tried to kill me, Harry chased you out into the parlor. Dumbledore showed up and you were still there. You were both in the same room. That's not possible." Sirius said from the other side of the room.

"No we weren't you idiot. As soon as the Dark Lord arrived I left through a floo. I only went a grate or 2 over so I could take the polyjuice potion so I could be Albus." Bellatrix spit out.

"Why? Why fight Voldemort as Albus if you wanted Harry to die." Remus asked.

"Because the whole world would have questioned were Dumbledore was." Bellatrix explained.

"Albus I am so sorry. I should have known. We all should have known. The way you- she treated Harry was just awful. It wasn't you at all. Even Severus was upset by it." Sirius explained rushing to the man and hugging him tightly.

"It's all alright my boy. This is no one's fault but my own. My main concern right now is Harry. I cannot start to imagine what horrible things she has done and said to him." Albus looked at Bellatrix still lying on the floor. "What happened last night?"

"It was Harry's birthday and we threw a surprise party. Severus went to go and fetch Harry but they were taking far too long. Minerva went to go see what the problem was and then returned saying that Harry was ill and would not be joining us." Remus looked at Albus sadly. "I don't think Minerva was telling us the truth."

Bellatrix's laugh cut through the damp moist air like a clap of thunder.

"What's so funny?" Sirius asked.

"The boy is sick but not physically, mentally. He's been abused too long and too often. I had him to the breaking point and then those two ruin-"

"Shut up." Bellatrix fell silent and Sirius tucked his wand back into his robes.

"We need to find them Albus. They need to know. We went to Severus and Minerva's quarters they aren't there. The portrait of Salazar said that Severus had left with two lions we assume that it is Harry and Minerva." Remus was pacing the stone floor furiously.

"We'll find them moony. It'll be ok." Sirius gave his husband a small kiss on the cheek. Then he quickly looked at Albus. "Oh, um, yes, we are married, Remus and I."

"I may have been locked away for 19 years but I was not born yesterday. I am happy for you two. Now let's get out of this room. I would like to see sunlight again."

"What about her?" Sirius asked.

"Leave her." Albus replied

As they made their way to Albus's office through the stone passage a blonde haired man stuck his head in the opening.

"Have any of you seen Severus?" Draco Malfoy asked.

"He's gone missing Draco, along with Harry and Minerva." Sirius replied catching Albus as he stumbled against the sunlight.

"What's with him?" Draco snapped.

"Bellatrix was right awful to Draco as herself and as you." Remus explained to Albus as they all notice the anger in Draco's voice towards the headmaster.

As soon as Remus and Sirius had Albus sitting behind his desk they retold the story that they heard moments ago.

"So you mean this is the real Albus? You mean to tell me that Harry and I have never really known him?" Draco's eyes were wide as tea saucers.

"Yes." Sirius said.

"Did you use Veritaserum on both of them?" Draco questioned.

"Yes, young Dragon." Remus answered.

"Why must we always be related to the insane ones?" Draco looked to Sirius for an answer.

"Hello Draco. I am Albus Dumbledore." Professor Dumbledore held out his hand so that Draco could shake it and Draco quickly took the hand.

"Oh thank Merlin. I knew you couldn't be that nasty." Draco gave the older man a squeeze and looked him in the face. "It is good to meet you sir."

"Now that we have all met, let's find Harry, Severus and Minerva." Sirius said. "We could check his relatives. I don't think he would go their but, it's worth a look."

"Then we will look at Minerva's and Severus's private homes." Albus said.

"Harry mentioned something about Professor McGonagall having a family home somewhere in the states, Oregon I believe. But, I am not supposed to know that." Draco said quietly.

"Would Harry go there?" Albus asked.

"Minerva is Harry's second guardian. If he felt threatened he would go." Sirius answered.

"I can go to Harry's relatives just to make sure he is not there. I'm not sure where they live exactly but I can try." Draco piped up.

"Very well," Albus said from behind his desk. "I am sure Remus knows where Harry's relatives are and will accompany you there."

"Yes Albus." Remus answered.

"I must ask now that you all leave I would rather like to sleep in a comfortable bed." Albus yawned

The three men helped the Headmaster to his private quarters then silently left; still trying to make sense of everything they had been told on this strange morning.

"I still can't believe it. My whole life I thought he was a bastard, just to find out it's our bloody insane cousin." Draco was shaking his head.

"I know it's hard to wrap my head around too. Wait till your mother finds out. Better yet wait till Severus does." Sirius let out a wide grin.

"I worry that Severus is going to take this harder than all of us. You do realize that it was Bellatrix that made him become a Death Eater?" Remus stated with a pale face. "I fear he is going to feel responsible and as if he should have known."

"That poor man," Draco sighed. "Let's go to the Dumbley's, the Dickley's, um, what are Harry's relatives names?"

"Dursley's." Remus smiled.

They walked out the entrance hall, down the path to Hogsmeade, where they disappeared with a crack.

The three men appeared on the quiet street of privet drive undetected and quickly made their way to house number 4. Draco rapped sharply on the door and they waited.

A young man about Draco's age but taller answered.

"Hello, you must be Dudley?" Remus said with a smile.

"Yes. Are you Harry's Godfathers? Are you Draco? Harry told me about you." Dudley said.

"Dudley? Who is it sweetheart?" A woman's voice came from behind the door.

"It's Harry's Godfather's and Draco mum."

A skinny woman in her late 40s appeared in the door way.

"Please come in gentleman. No use standing in the doorway. I'm Petunia." She ushered them quickly into the living room. "Can I get you anything? Tea? Coffee? Water?"

"No thank you ma'am." Draco said.

"Have either of you seen Harry by chance?" Sirius asked.

"We haven't seen him since the day Dumbledore came to collect him, the day my dad almost killed him." Dudley said from the couch across from Draco.

"What do you mean?" Sirius glared.

"My husband found out that Harry is gay and decided he was going to take matters into his own hands. I tried to stop him as did my son but he knocked both of us down. Then Dumbledore showed up and took him away to Hogwarts." Petunia said from beside Dudley.

"Harry's gay?" Draco looked to his cousin.

"We didn't know." Remus hung his head.

"No one did. Only my mum, his Godmother and I did. He is ashamed." Dudley informed them. "He hasn't been back though. I don't think he ever will come back."

"If he does come back will you let us know?" Sirius asked quietly.

"Yes. We will." Petunia said as the men all stood.

"Thank you. We will see ourselves out." Draco said with a bow.

Out on the lawns of the Dursley's home Sirius was shaking with rage.

"Why is he ashamed? Why didn't someone do something? Why didn't we know?" Sirius yelled.

"Remus?" An old woman had poked her head out her front door next to the Dursley's.

"Hello Mrs. Figgs. You haven't seen two wizards and a witch hanging about by chance have you?" Remus asked.

"Lost Harry already? Who are the other two missing?" Mrs. Figg asked

"Severus and Minerva." Draco said dryly.

"I haven't seen Minerva since the night she sat on that porch holding Harry as a baby and I haven't seen Severus since he was a boy. But, if I see any of them I can fire call you. I have access to Hogwarts." Mrs. Figgs explained.

"That would be most helpful." Remus said.

"Thank you." Draco added.

And with a crack like a whip the three men vanished from privet drive.


	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: I apologize for the delay of this chapter. I am getting married in August so all my energy has gone into that. I haven't abandoned this story. Sorry for the length of this chapter but it needed to all be explained. I look foreword to your input.**

Chapter 14

The mid afternoon sunshine fragmented through the garden trees, sending slivers of light over the two men occupying their green haven. Severus was sitting on the garden turf with his back pressed against the belly of the sleeping stone Dragon. His knees were pulled up towards his chest, just enough that the bottom of his feet were flat against the grass. Severus held a book in one hand and raked his other through the raven hair of the man who was leaning against his shins.

Harry had fallen asleep to the rhythm of Severus' long thin fingers running through his hair. The younger man's back was firmly supported by Severus' strong legs and the lower half of his body was lying on the soft grass. It had been 2 weeks since they had come to the Lions Garden, 2 weeks since Harry had hurt himself, and 2 weeks since Severus had eavesdropped on Harry and Minerva's conversation. Neither man wanted to bring up the fact that Harry had feelings for Severus. And the older man was not about to announce to the world that Harry Potter was his cup of tea. So here they sat, under the shade of the drooping tree, Severus' fingers entangled in the black nest upon Harry's head that he called hair.

"You are doing it again my friend." Spiritus whispered.

"I haven't the slightest clue what you are blabbering about." Severus hissed from behind his book.

Spiritus shifted his position so that he could look at Severus properly.

"You are letting your guard down. Severus Snape is showing affection." Spiritus nodded towards the sleeping man at Severus' feet.

Severus looked over his book at the man nestled so comfortably against his legs.

"Hell must have frozen over." Severus smirked.

Spiritus gave a small chuckle and poked Severus on the shoulder with his tail.

"Why will you not tell the young lion cub that you have feelings for him also?" Spiritus asked placing his head on his front paws.

Severus looked to his stone friend and thought about his answer carefully. Yes, Severus did have feelings for Harry, but he wasn't so keen on telling the young man just yet. Severus wasn't certain if Harry really understood the feelings he was having towards Severus. The boy wonders feelings towards him were probably a puppy love crush and would fade in time. Severus also knew that he kept his feelings a secret from Harry because He knew that Harry was too good for him. Severus could never and would never deserve Harry, not after he had gotten the young man's parents murdered.

"Severus? Come back Severus. Come on. There's a lad. Go off on a bit of a mental holiday did we?" Spiritus questioned.

"You know how my thoughts get away from me." Severus stated.

"So?"

"So what?" Severus asked.

Spiritus rolled his eyes and jabbed his tail in the direction of Harry.

"Why won't you tell him?"

Severus grumbled something under his breath about stone Reptiles not knowing how to keep their mouths shut before casting a privacy bubble around Spiritus' and his own head, not wanting to risk Harry waking up and pretending to sleep again.

"Because, he deserves so much more Spiritus, I could never be everything he needs in this world. I could never love him as deeply as he deserves. He needs someone that will cherish him and worship him as Harry. He can do much better than an old dungeon bat." Severus explained quietly. "I still have so many demons that I have to fight. It would not be fair to him to be dragged into my hell, when he is still desperately fighting his own. Besides, in a month or two the boy will have moved on from this silly crush he has on me."

Spiritus grumbled quietly under his breath; Severus managed to catch 'idiot' and 'you sacrificed everything for him for 17 years.'

Harry stirred as a sliver of sunlight danced across his face and Severus quickly reached down to block the Sun's rays with his book and Harry laid still once more.

Spiritus gave the older man a look that shouted 'you cherish him you baboon.'

"I am a complicated man Spiritus." Severus said simply.

"Believe me young friend, I know." Spiritus yawned and closed his eyes again.

Severus shook his head in amusement at his stone friend's statement and canceled the privacy charm. The Potion Master rested his head back against the dragon, closed his eyes, and slid his fingers through Harry's hair once again.

"Severus?"

Severus opened his eyes at the sound of his name spoken softly.

"What?" Panted Severus

"Severus, it's late. We fell asleep." Harry said, His voice sounded muffled.

Severus lifted his head to look at Harry and found him face down in the grass.

"Why are you lying with your face in the ground? You are not an ostrich Mr. Potter." Severus pointed out with amusement.

Harry turned his face so that he could look Severus in the eyes.

"Really? I hadn't notice. And to think all this time I thought I was a giant ass bird." Harry said with a smirk.

Severus rolled his eyes at the young man's cheek and stood facing away from Harry so that he could not see his grin. Severus brushed the cuts of grass from the garden floor that had stuck to him, off his favorite pair of dark blue muggle jeans.

"Do you Ever wonder what it would be like if things had been different?" Harry questioned. "Like if Voldemort had never been told the prophecy, if my parents had lived? Would you have been in my life still?"

Severus gritted his teeth at Harry's question. Harry couldn't have known the hours, days, weeks, hell, the years Severus had lost because that one question seemed to haunt him. He turned to face the man who had rolled on to his back and was staring up into the August sky.

"Every waking moment." Severus's confessed softly. "Harry?"

"Yes?"

"How much do you know about the prophecy?"

Harry gave the older man a look of confusion.

"Let me rephrase my question." Severus stated. "Do you know who told Voldemort the prophecy? Do you know who told Albus?"

Harry shook his head. He had always just assumed that Voldemort and Dumbledore had heard the prophecy on their own.

Severus took a deep breath, if he was going to free himself from his own demonic hell; there was no better place to start then to confess to Harry his involvement in the young man's parents murder.

"I will answer your second question first though. Yes, I believe I still would have been part of your life." Severus said. "You see, I was friends with your parents, Remus, and Sirius. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but we were close."

Harry sat quietly next to Severus who had sat on one of the garden benches.

"Harry, I was abused and neglected by my father. He was a Death Eater and one of Voldemort's most highly thought upon minions. My father had written my path for me long ago. He simply sold my soul to Voldemort, promised him I would be the best Death Eater of the new generation." Severus put his head in his hands. "But I never wanted that. Minerva and the school took me away from him after they found out about the abuse; I came and lived here with Minerva during the summers. She was my guardian."

"That's why you two are so close." Harry said.

"Yes. She has sacrificed a great deal for me." Severus confessed. "After I graduated from Hogwarts Albus offered me the potion teaching position. I took it knowing I would be safe from Voldemort there. But the Dark Lord was able to corner me one night in Knockturn alley. The man practically begged me to come to his side. I still refused. Voldemort raised his wand at one point, but your father, Sirius and Remus came around the corner, saw that I was in need and they were prepared to fight for me, even knowing that it was Voldemort.

Severus wiped a tear from his cheek and felt a hand on his back, sending comfort to him through the touch.

"It was several months after that incident that Albus approached me with a request. This is where he changed Harry; the Albus Dumbledore I thought I knew would never have asked this of me." Severus felt the rage jump in his throat. "Albus asked me to join Voldemort, to become a Death Eater and be a spy for the light. I declined for several months, not wanting to go down the path I had tried to avoid all my life."

Harry slid his hand to the back of Severus' neck, rubbing small circles into the tense, burden ridden muscles with his thumb. Harry continued his affectionate assault on Severus neck, patiently waiting for the man to continue.

Severus relaxed under the touch of Harry's hand and resumed his tale.

"I gave in finally to Albus's request. I became a spy for the light. He assured me I was doing the right thing and that I would be honored as a hero and credited with part of Voldemort's downfall." Severus took a shaky breath. "I took the dark mark a week after that conversation. I was welcomed with open arms and praise by the Dark Lord for finally coming to my senses. I played my part well the first year of my mission, going to Albus when I heard of Voldemort's corrupt plans, spilling the Death Eaters secrets. But something changed between Albus and me, something changed between Albus and the world. He began to be little me, put me down, and mentally break me. The man that was quick to come to my defense and protect me was the man that was now hurting me."

Severus stood from the garden bench, walking several feet away from Harry.

"I began to with draw from the light because of his mental abuse, Harry. I found reassurance, understanding, support and acceptance with Voldemort and the Death Eaters. I no longer talked to your parents much; they knew what I was doing and feared for my life. Minerva also feared for my safety. Many a nights I would return to the castle covered in blood, half of it not my own. On most nights that I returned I would seek out Albus, to tell him of my return and the horrid things I had done and seen, but most nights I could never locate him till morning. Minerva would find me. She always found me, broken, dirty and distraught." Severus kicked a small rock into the stream in front of him. "After a year as a Death Eater I no longer talked to Sirius. He believed that I was becoming to engulf in the darkness, that I was enjoying the sadistic mind of Voldemort and his followers."

Severus looked up to the August sky, trying to pull together the last bit of his courage. Turning around he faced Harry.

"Then...then I heard a prophecy. A prophecy proclaiming a boy born at the end of the seventh month would have the power to vanquish the Dark Lord. A prophecy that claimed neither could live while the other survived." Severus turned away from Harry as he saw emerald green eyes register what Severus was saying. "I was the one to hear this prophecy, Harry. I was the one to tell Albus. I was also the one to tell Voldemort."

"Why?" Harry shouted. "Why would you tell Voldemort?"

"Albus had belittled me earlier that day when I heard the prophecy. I was angry and hurt by his words. I was angry at a man who for 6 years had protected me from hurt and pain and then for that last year he had been the one hurting me. So in my pain stake foggy mind I told Voldemort to get back at Albus. Harry, I told Voldemort first. I didn't know who this child would be born to when I heard this prophecy, had I known I never would have let my emotions control my judgement."

Severus had sunk to his knees in the grass tears streaming down his face, pain that he had suppressed for 17 years bursting to the surface.

"Control your emotions. Discipline your mind." Harry breathed. "My fifth year you told me that, in Occlumency. You were really trying to help me because you knew from your own experience of how emotions can control your judgement."

Harry kneeled next to Severus who still refused to look at him.

"I heard the prophecy in May and your father reached out to me in July, when you were born. I realized then that you were the one to be marked, to have this hellish struggle in life. I was too late to save your parents, Harry; I am the reason for their death. If I had not gone to Voldemort, you would never have been abused, never would have had this life, this pain." Severus looked to Harry who was wiping tears from his own cheeks. "I begged Albus for you that night Harry, as did Sirius and Minerva. We all wanted you. I don't ever want you to think that we just let you go; I do not want you to think that you were not wanted, because you were. Minerva asked Albus for you every summer. Harry, I do not expect you to continue our friendship, I wouldn't want to be friends with my parents murder."

"I'm not." Harry whispered. "Severus please look at me."

Severus refused and soon felt a hand under his chin lifting his head so that dark eyes met green.

"Severus," Harry moved a stray piece of grey hair from Severus eyes and tucked it behind his ear. "Voldemort murdered my parents. Voldemort is the one who fated me for this life, you Severus Snape, were a man used as a pawn in Dumbledore and Voldemort's plan. You are not to blame. You did what any man would have done. Albus betrayed you, hurt you, and you lost all trust for him. Why would you not betray him when the opportunity came fourth? No Severus, I do not blame you, and you must not blame yourself. You have for far too long. I don't want to lose you and this friendship."

Harry wiped a tear clear from Severus cheek causing Severus to turn in to the gentle caress.

"You are a good man Severus, a brave man, a man who for 15 years spied on one of the darkest wizards of the ages. Are you sure you are all Slytherin? Because I'm fairly certain that's something that a foolish Gryffindor would do."

Harry's comment was rewarded with a small smile. The man in front of Harry looked broken and in so much pain. Harry wanted to fix him, take his pain away, and protect him. Harry wanted Severus to know that he was not at fault, that Harry did not blame him for anything that had happened.

"You cannot just forget that I played a part in their murder Potter."

Harry smiled at Severus. His last name being said was a defense method for Severus, Harry understood that now.

"You never were Severus."

Again, dark eyes met green in the garden. A rush of anxiety leapt into Harry's throat as the man's dark eyes pooled with emotion. Not realizing he was doing it Harry leaned towards Severus, who mirrored Harry's actions. Their breathing was raspy and their chests were pounding, lips close to connecting, eyes never looking away from each other, the world seamed to stop around them as they drew nearer to one other.

Grey, cold stone forced them to break the connection between them, lips just shy of their goal. Severus was now livid with the stone Dragon head that had forced its way between them.

"Am I interrupting anything?" Spiritus asked.

Severus, nostrils flaring, his face red with anger and desire; folded his arms and looked at Spiritus. Harry who, had moved back to the garden bench when Spiritus' head had been what his lips fell upon, laughed at the dragon's question.

"Seriously? You know perfectly well what you interrupted." Severus huffed in a whisper.

"Alas his heart beats." Spiritus stuck out a rough gravel tongue and licked the side of Severus cheek.

Severus winced as he felt the tongue scrape several layers of skin off and pushed the Dragon away.

"Shut it dunderhead. You speak of this to anyone and I will grind you to powder and use you as potion ingredients. Do you hear me?" Severus eyed the dragon.

"Don't pay attention to his empty threats Spiritus. He has threatened to use me as potion ingredients hundreds of times and I'm still here." Harry voiced from the bench that he was now lying on. "What did you need Spiritus?"

"I like him. Can we keep him?" Spiritus asked Severus as he walked over to nuzzle his large head against Severus red abrasion cheek.

Severus pinched the bridge of his nose in annoyance at being surrounded by dunderheads.

"The Dame has sent me to get you two love bi-"

Spiritus stopped mid-sentence at the death glare Severus was now throwing his way.

"Did I say love? I meant dove. The Dame sent me to get you two dove birds for dinner." Spiritus explained. "Dobby has made some BBQ and it's not fair because I cannot eat it and it smells delicious."

Harry wore a confused look on his face and looked in Spiritus direction and spoke.

"I didn't know you could smell things?"

"I can't." Spiritus confessed. "But I imagine that it smells delicious."

Severus groaned at the dragon's humor and walked over to Harry stretching out his hand to assist him off the bench.

"Let's go eat. It does smell rather delicious." Severus shot a smirk at Spiritus who stuck out his gravel tongue. Severus returned the childish jester with his own tongue pointing out in the dragons direction.

Harry and Spiritus stared at the older man in shock.

"What?" Asked Severus

"Did you just stick your tongue out?" Harry questioned.

"He did. I saw it. Hell must have really frozen over." Spiritus announced striding over the garden wall.

"Damn lizard." Severus groaned.

"I like him." Harry proclaimed putting an arm around Severus shoulder. "Come on, Grams probably wondering if we've gotten lost in here."

Severus allowed himself to be led to the garden door and out on to the Lion Gardens grounds.

"I am going to go check on your aunt and cousin tomorrow morning." Severus informed him

"You really meant it?"

"I do not say things I do not mean Mr. Potter." Severus whispered. "Do you need anything while I'm there?"

"No, I just want to know that they are safe." Harry stopped abruptly causing Severus to turn around as the touch of Harry's arm slid from his shoulder.

"Harry, are you ok?"

"Yes. Can you give something to Aunt Petunia for me please?"

"Yes, of course. Just give it to me tonight or tomorrow morning." Severus smiled at the man who was now walking fast to the back deck where his Godmother stood.

"I was beginning to wonder if you two got lost." Minerva joked pulling Harry into a tight embrace and repeating the process with Severus.

"Is everything ok?" Minerva whispered in Severus ear as she hugged him.

"It's perfect Minnie. I took your advice. I told him the truth."

Minerva squeezed him tightly before she released him and took her seat at the outdoor table.


	15. Chapter 15

My lovely's I am so sorry. I have had so much going on in my life that I have not been able to write. I had been planning my wedding; I had a two friend shot at club pulse in June one that did not survive. I lost my love of writing. I just got married Friday and miss being able to poor my heart out in my fanfiction. I will update by the end of the week. Again I am sorry.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 15

Severus woke at 6 a.m. the following morning; it had been the same time he woke every morning for the past 30 years. He rubbed the sleep from his eyes and sat up with a groan. Severus hated mornings, every staff member at Hogwarts new that. In fact, it was an unwritten rule in the castle that Severus was not to be approached or spoken to until he had finished his first cup of coffee in the mornings.

Severus glared at the wizard alarm clock on the nightstand beside him as if it had betrayed him and had let the morning approach too quickly.

Severus stretched deeply and stalked off towards his bathroom, he needed to brush the death from his mouth and get ready to travel to London to check on Petunia. Severus reached for his Slytherin green tooth brush and applied a generous amount of paste to the bristles before bringing it to his teeth and beginning to brush them fiercely.

Scenarios of how today's visit with Petunia began to act out in his mind. It had been almost 25 years since he'd seen her and the memory of their last encounter sprang to the front of his mind. He would never forget that day.

Severus had received his worse beating by his father that day. He had hit Severus repeatedly until he was covered in gashes and blood, all because he refused to sit in a meeting with the Death Eaters. When his father finally released him, Severus had collapsed to the ground, too exhausted to stand. His father took the opportunity to kick him in the face while he was down, breaking Severus nose. When Severus felt his father grab his hand and apparated them back to Spinners end, he didn't try to stand, he didn't cry out as his injured back landed brutally against the hard ground in the back yard of his home. His father didn't offer to help him up and so he left him there, in pain.

Severus didn't know how much time has passed before lily and petunia had ventured into his backyard, stumbling upon the grizzly sight of his bloody body. The sisters rushed to his side, careful not to touch him for fear of causing him more pain.

"Severus, Severus, what happened? Severus, answer me." Lily's voice was frantic.

"Lil, is he breathing?" Petunia asked

Severus remembered Lily's head coming to rest on his chest, her copper hair rising and falling with his shallow breaths.

"Yes, stay with him Tuney. I'm going to get Dad. He'll know what to do." Lily spoke softly so that Tabius Snape would not discover them.

Petunia had come to kneel next to Severus, slipping her hand over his, trying to offer him comfort and reassurance.

"It'll be ok Sev. We'll make sure you never come back here. We won't let him hurt you again." Petunia whispered in his ear.

Severus shook the memory from his head as he felt a glob of toothpaste drip from his chin. He leaned over and spit the contents of his mouth into the sink. Severus straightened up and peered into the mirror only to yelp in surprise as an enormous stone eye stared at him in the mirrors reflection.

Turning around Severus walked to the window and opened it glaring at the beast in front of him.

"Good morning sunshine." Spiritus chirped as he sat on his hind legs and peered down at Severus.

"It was good until you showed up." Severus snarled around the toothbrush that was still clenched between his teeth.

"So that's how we are going to be today is it? Fine, I will go see if the boy would like this fresh cup of coffee." Spiritus smirked as he raised his tail to display a ceramic cup balancing perfectly on the tip of it.

Severus groaned in defeat at the sight of the steaming cup.

"Did I tell you how wonderful you are and how dull my life would be without you?" Severus smiled up at the dragon hoping it would be enough to award him with the drink of the caffeine gods.

Spiritus quickly made a disgusted sound and pretended to be sick.

"If you promise to never say that sentence to me again, I will give you your coffee."

"What is wrong with what I said?" Severus asked as he set his toothbrush back on the sink.

"It makes you seem human. That is not normal, not natural." Spiritus scoffed and lifted the tip of his tail to the window so Severus could reach the cup of steaming black heaven.

"Thank you my friend." Severus took a long sip and felt the burn of the hot beverage flow through his body.

"Severus?"

"Yes stone one?"

"Have you found anything in your research so far?" Spiritus asked shyly.

Severus looked sadly at his friend.

"No Spiritus, I have not. But, I promise you, I will find a way, even if I have to invent the spell myself." Severus said.

"I do not want to be too much trouble Severus. I just want to be able to be by your side and protect you at all costs. I could hardly do much when your father attacked you that summer. If I was able to be a live animal, a fierce animal, a wolf, a large dog, or a lion, I could be by you at every moment." Spiritus admitted

"As I have said before one of us has separation issues." Severus chuckled. "As much as it pains me to admit, I too want you by my side as my protector. We will find a way to make you a companion. We just need to figure out if it is magic or a soul that makes you alive, but no lions Spiritus." Severus stated.

"Why can I not be a lion?"

"Too Gryffindor. I refuse to have my protector be another bloody Gryffindor." Severus hissed

"Gryffindor's are not all bad. I mean they can't be if you are in love with one." And with that Spiritus quickly bounded towards the garden belting out "can you feel the love tonight."

Severus slammed the window shut in frustration, more so at himself than Spiritus. He thought back to last night in the garden, How he had almost kissed Harry, how he had been so vulnerable, How he had almost ruined the boy, again. Severus was not sure if he would be able to face Harry. He felt so much guilt for letting his emotions get the best of him. But Harry was the one who pulled him closer, his red lips so young and full. The way the young man's eyes bore into his soul. Severus shook his head trying to get the image to scatter away. He could not think about that now, he had somewhere to be.

Severus quickly dressed into muggle clothes, making sure that his wand arm holster was not visible under the light black jacket he wore. He checked himself over once more before exiting his room and descending the stairs towards Harry's. Severus knocked softly on the young Gryffindor's door, waited a moment, and then entered.

Harry was still asleep, snoring lightly, a half empty bottle of dreamless sleep lay on the nightstand next to his bed. An envelope addressed to Petunia lay next to the bottle. The Slytherin picked up the envelope admiring the script upon it, Harry's script. The envelope was not sealed; he could see muggle money and a note neatly folded inside. Severus knew what this was. A payment from Harry to Petunia, for all she had done for him over the years. Severus placed the envelope into the inside pocket of his jacket, leaned down and brushed the hair from Harry's forehead.

"You are an amazing man Harry Potter." Severus whispered into the sleeping young man's ear.

Severus came back to his senses to realize he was about to kiss the young man's cheek, and pulled back sharply. He needed to get his emotions in control.

Severus softly shut Harry's door and headed to the main floor.

He met Minerva in the kitchen, reading the daily prophet and drinking her English tea. She looked up as he approached.

"Morning Severus."

"Good morning Minerva. Did you sleep well?"

Minerva stood and hugged her snake tightly.

"I did." Minerva pointed to the table, where a plate of scones and jam waited for him. "Eat."

Severus sat with a thud and began to spread jam over a scone, red jam, red like the color of a young man's lips. Severus dropped his knife at the sudden image that had protruded through his mind.

"Severus? Are you alright?" Minerva asked. "Are you feeling ill? Severus you are very pale."

"I am fine; I just realized I am running late." Severus choked out.

"Do not lie to me. Slytherin's do not run late." Minerva eyed him suspiciously. "Is this about Harry and what happened in the garden last night?"

At the mention of the young man's name Severus dropped his head. He felt like a dirty old man. To lust after someone so much younger than him and his former student, there surly was a place in hell waiting for him, probably next to Voldemort.

The sound of heavy footsteps on the stairs pulled Severus from his thoughts. He quickly stood and made way for the front door only to crash into Harry, who was still trying to rub the sleep from his eyes, Harry grabbed onto Severus's arm to keep himself from falling.

"Morning Severus." Harry yawned.

Severus quickly pulled his arm from Harry's grasps and backed away towards the door.

"Good morning. Mr. Potter. Minerva, thank you again for breakfast, I will see you later." Severus nodded his head towards Harry in a farewell.

Severus quickly turned away from the pained expression on the young man's face at being addressed as Potter. He didn't want to hurt Harry. Severus kicked himself all the way to the front porch, for letting his guard down, letting his emotions get a away from him.

"Foolish beautiful boy." Severus mumbled.

The Potion Master knew that he had opened a door that would cause both he and Harry pain. Severus was going to have to push Harry away and both of them would be heart broken in the end.

The older man looked back at the house as he approached the apparation spot, sighed, and disappeared with a crack.

It was close to 4 pm when Severus arrived in the middle of the street of 4 privet drive.

He breathed the England air in deeply and closed his eyes at the familiar smell.

An old woman in the house next to the Dursley's quickly withdrew from the window at the sight of Severus Snape and Fire called Hogwarts. For Arabella Figg always kept her promise.

The hairs on the back of Severus neck stood on end and he felt as if he was being watched. He opened his eyes quickly but could see no one in the street or looking out the window.

Severus slowly made his way to the Dursley's door and knocked. A young large man opened the door shortly after.

"Can I help you?" He asked

"Is this the Dursley residents?"

"It is. May I ask who you are?"

"Severus Snape. Is your mother home?"

"Mum, there is someone at the door looking for you. His name is Severus Snape." Dudley bellowed down the hall.

A woman quickly appeared next to her soon throwing the door wide open.

"Severus?"

"Petunia."

Petunia threw her arms around Severus and hugged him tightly.

"I thought I would never see you again." She whispered. "Please tell me you have Harry with you?"

Severus patted her back lightly and then stepped away from her embrace.

"He is safe. But why would you ask?"

"Remus, Sirius and Draco came looking for him. They said that you, Harry and another person had all gone missing." Dudley piped in.

"Blasted mutts can't mind their own." Severus mumbled. "May I come in?"

"Oh yes sorry please come. Dudley, do you mind putting on a pot of tea for us? Thank you." Petunia said at Dudley's Nod.

"Harry asked that I check on your safety. He was concerned that your husband would bring you harm." Severus explained that Harry had told him about the day that Vernon Dursley had discovered Harry's sexuality.

"Vernon is in jail. After Vernon shoved me down the stairs I called the cops. They got here right after Albus took Harry. Dudley and I had plenty of bruises to show for his actions although I wish they had come before Harry left so that he could have been charged properly. Thank you Dudley. Tea Severus?" Petunia asked.

"No thank you." Severus said.

"Is Harry doing well?" Dudley asked.

Severus smiled at the young man.

"He is. His depression is better since he has someone who he can confide in with his sexuality." Severus looked to Petunia. "He asked that I give this to you."

Severus handed petunia the envelope and stood.

"I must be on my way. I am sorry for the short visit Petunia."

"Severus, thank you. Thank you for taking care of him." Petunia hugged him quickly then walked him to the door. "Tell him hello from us please."

"I will." Severus nodded a farewell to Dudley then stepped outside and closed the door behind him.

A woman peering out from the doorway of the house next to the Dursley's

"Severus?" Mrs. Figgs called.

"Mrs. Figg?"

"Come now. Call me Arabella. Come give an old woman a hug young man." Mrs. Figg walked down the walk way to meet Severus and threw her arms around him. "It has been 25 years since I have seen you. How are you?"

Severus squeezed the old woman tight. Mrs. Figg had been the one to take him to Albus the night that Lily and Petunia had stumbled upon him. What was she doing living next to the Dursley's? What a small world.

"I am well. How are you? How did you come to be here?" Severus's brain rattled with questions.

"I am well young man. But there is no time for questions now." Arabella looked beyond Severus to the three figures standing just beyond her yard.

"Remus, Sirius, Draco?" Severus asked. "What are you doing here?"

"We have been trying to find you." Draco stated.

"Why?"

"It's Albus." Sirius said

"I want nothing to do with Albus Dumbledore." Severus spat. "The man is toxic."

"Severus, we have all been played. For the past 19 years Albus Dumbledore has been Bellatrix Lastrange." Remus said gently.

Fear and denial rose up in Severus. It could not have been possible. He would have known. He was the greatest spy for Albus Dumbledore.

"You all must have hit your head. I would have known. I was his spy."

"She used polyjuice potion. She is back at Hogwarts. We were able to free Albus from the dungeon she had him held in. we used Veritaserum on both of them. It was Albus who asked for it." Remus explained.

Severus heart dropped at the mention of Veritaserum and then a sickening feeling over took him. If this was true, then Bellatrix was responsible for the dark mark that he bore on his arm. A rage so strong now brewed at the surface.

"Where are they?" Severus asked

"At Hogwarts." Draco answered.

"Show me." Severus said through gritted teeth.

Severus turned on the spot and disappeared with a crack. The three men exchanged worried looks and quickly followed with a crack.


End file.
